Find Me – Chapter 61

Jack was completely stunned when he opened the penthouse door to find Kayla standing on the other side of it.  “Kayla?” he said as he looked over his shoulder to see if Jennifer, who was finally sleeping in for a change, had awakened.  “Are … are you alright?”  She could see that he was more than a little flabbergasted and smiled at how far he’d come, the equivalent of an awkward adolescent at this stage of his redemption.

That didn’t make her truly comfortable in his presence, but it would have to do.

“Jack, I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you.  Can I come in?”  She bobbled Stephanie in her arms and waited to be let in.

“No, no, not at all!  Please, come in.”  He was nervous, that much was painfully clear as she entered and stayed just inside the door.  “How’s my little niece,” he asked with a smile that made her giggle.

“I can’t stay, I just …” she took a deep breath, anticipating what she was about to lay on him.  “… I just came to tell you something.  It’s very important.”

“Really?  O—okay.  Ah … yeah, ok, anything.  Go, ah, go ahead.”

“I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but I need you to just listen to me and do exactly what I ask, alright?”  Jack stammered, and she just plowed on.  “I need you to take this.”  She handed him a standard, letter-sized envelope bearing just his first name.  “Something is happening to … to me … that I can’t explain to you right now, and I’m leaving tomorrow to go take care of it.  It’s very serious, and I’m depending on you to take over if I don’t succeed.”

Jack got an amused, inquisitive look on his face that she knew well.  “Kayla, where are you going?”

“It’s all in the letter, there.  I do not want you to open it unless something goes wrong, I don’t come back with what I’m going for, or if I die.”

Jack slowly smiled.  It was sly and sneaky.  “Ok, you got me.  You reeeally had me goin’, there.   So, what’s in the letter, your water bill?”

“I’m serious, Jack,” she said with a dead calm.  “This is about Steve.”  His smile dropped immediately and his entire demeanor changed.  “If you ever cared about me at all, then on Steve’s,” she looked away from him,” grave … I need you to promise me that you’re not going to open that outside of the instructions I’m giving you.  Do you promise?”

“Kayla, what is going on?”  He wasn’t so goofy and awkward anymore.

“Do you promise?  If not, then I’ll call Adrienne in Texas.  I mean it, Jack.”  She hadn’t cracked a smile since he opened that door, and he knew she wasn’t playing around.

“Yes, ok, yes,” he replied with obvious anxiety, “I – I promise.”

“And if you do have to read the letter, you have to promise that you’ll follow my requests and not go off on your own with some cockamamie scheme.”

“Cockamamie?  Me?  Trust me, Kayla, I’ve got my own issues I’m inventing cockamamie schemes for at the moment, I don’t need any more.  But whatever it is, I don’t like it.”

Kayla didn’t have time to try to remember what was going on with him right now, so she put Stephanie down with her keys and continued.  “Here’s what to do.  I leave tomorrow, and I will call you every day by midnight.  If I die, don’t come back, or more than two days go by without a call, you are to open the letter and read it.”  Jack didn’t say anything, but she could tell she was scaring him.  “If I do come back, you’re to ask me the question I’ve written on the back here.”

Jack flipped it over and read it.  “’Do you remember Stockholm?’  What’s that mean?”  It was then that he noticed just how tired she looked.  The bags under her eyes were dark, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s the answer that does.  If I ask you if we’re playing 20 Questions, then you give me back the letter.  If I don’t immediately ask you if we’re playing 20 Questions, you open it and read it.”

Jack looked down at the envelope and then up at her with a solemn face.  “What does this have to do with – with Steve?”

“Promise me.”

“Kayla, please, you have to give me something here!”

Kayla snatched the letter out of his hands, picked up her daughter, and said nevermind and that she’d just have to call Adrienne.

“Ok, ok!  Ok, please don’t go, I’ll do it, I will.  I’ll do it.”

Kayla rounded back on him.  “You promise me, Jack. On Steve’s grave, you promise me that you’ll do exactly what I’ve said and then act on what’s in the letter.”

“I promise,” he said.  “I owe you that much.  And Steve, too.”

With that, Kayla handed him back the letter and then turned to leave.  Before she let Jack close the door behind him, she turned to him and said, “Steve loved you.  Even through the … really bad times, he loved you.  You have to come through for him if I can’t.”

“Why are you trusting me with this?”

Kayla looked him in the eyes and simply said, “Insurance.”  Then she headed back out the door.

Steve was helpless.  His meals were delivered on time each of the two days he had been there, and while he refused to eat any of it his first day, he’d finally given up and eaten the surprisingly well-balanced meals they’d provided by day two.  He considered breakfast a test.  He figured if he turned into a vegetable from whatever it was laced with, then he’d happily lay there drooling on the floor until he jumped.  But it didn’t seem to be drugged, so he just went ahead and relented with lunch and dinner, too.

There wasn’t a thing for him to do but sit there in that cell.  Stefano had not shown back up since loudly berating Rolf for tossing his cookies, the memory of which made Steve laugh, but also gave him a strange feeling he couldn’t identify.  Before Stefano had shooed he and that witch doctor out the door, Rolf had looked at him through the window, and that look was damned peculiar.  It was like he’d achieved some big accomplishment by seeing Steve in the cell.  You’d think after vomiting one would wince, or cower when the one you’ve vomited on is Stefano Dimera.  And he did, actually, do that a bit, but the very first thing he did after throwing up was paw at the window, look Steve in the eye, and kind of gloat. 

Through it all, barely a moment went by that he didn’t wonder where Kayla had jumped.  He still had no idea what year this was, all he knew was that he wasn’t Nick Stockton yet.  Kayla jumped first, so wherever she was, she was navigating without him and was probably going insane with worry.  He methodically ran through each month after Alamain’s boat to figure out where she would be.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have that much to go on.  If it was right after their fight on the pier, then it was summer, and she’d be in Salem … with Shane … and it was pretty much the same scenario all the way through 1992.  Right?  As far as he knew, she left for Los Angeles sometime after Brady was born, but they never got to discussing the details.  He realized now as he sat there after his dinner with nothing to do but stare at the bars that although he’d seen lots of pictures, he didn’t know nearly enough about his extended circle of family and friends during this time.  And that included Kayla.  Why did she and Shane break up?  What made her go to LA?  When was that exactly?  A cold chill came over him; he didn’t know where Kayla was.  He was Stefano’s puppet during this time, and he didn’t know a thing about Kayla’s life during this time.  It made Steve feel jealous and … out of control.

Steve layed on the bed facing the ceiling trying to find any kind of crack or heat register when a tall man with a bushy shock of gray hair entered through the room’s door and stood outside his cell.  He simply stood there with his hands clasped low in front of him and stared.  Steve turned his head and stared back.  He figured the man was sizing him up or observing him or maybe just trying to intimidate him with his relentless stare. 

After some time, Steve stood up to match the man’s stance.  Not being one to be satisfied with purely internal dialogue, Steve decided to test the waters.

“What’s up, Doc?”

The electric hum began immediately.  It had finally clicked with him when his lunch was silently delivered by a security plebe he’d tried to talk up that it was voice-activated.  Stefano’s voice didn’t trip it from outside the door, so he wondered if it was just his voice or if it was any voice from within the room.  Meanwhile the doctor didn’t react.

“Not much of a conversationalist are ya?” he asked while mirroring the doctor’s exact stance, including the hands folded in front of him.  Again, the hum audibly oscillated, and Steve was starting to get the picture.  This was part of his torture.  He thought back to what might have set off the ear-splitting stuff and did not like where his memory was taking him.  He was fully recovered from the multiple waves of sensory onslaught and didn’t want to court any more of it, but he knew he had to establish where his imposed boundaries were.

“Boo!” he yelled out of nowhere while charging at the bars; enough to startle the hiccups out of anyone, but the man was a cool cucumber.  No crazy noise and lights, either.  Finally, Steve said, “Ok, f*ck it, mind if I pee?”  Steve unzipped his pants and went to the ordinary porcelain toilet, complete with tank and seat.  “You gonna watch?”  Now the man folded one arm in front of him and rubbed at his cheek with the other with a look of mild perplexity.  It took having to pee to get a reaction out of him?  What the hell?  “Ok, sure, dude, hope you enjoy the view.”  With that he unzipped his jeans and let loose.  He flushed and rinsed his hands, but when he turned around, the man was heading out the door.  “Hey!” Steve yelled after him, “I’m gonna have to insist on a new room if you don’t install a soap dispenser, man!”

With the man gone from the outer room, too, Steve was alone again.  He adjusted his patch and swallowed hard, mentally preparing for what he knew he next had to do, though the truth was he knew the answer without it.  He laid on his side against the wall and covered his ears.

“Cocksuker, mother*cker!”  The hum did nothing more than oscillate.  He whispered the words, and the oscillation was barely perceptible.

“Mama!  Adrienne, Jack!  Marcus, Bo!”  The hum increased significantly, and Steve swallowed with dread for the next words and knew what they were going to elicit.

“Kayla.”  Her screams hit his ears first, but his whole body registered the noise, lights, and foul odor.  They lasted a relatively shorter time than they had the day before.  When they stopped, he cursed under his breath.  He forced himself to take a whiff of air and was relieved to smell the almonds once again.  Unfortunately, he had more to test.  “Sweetness,” he said very softly, and he was treated to more of the same for a longer period of time.  He did the same test with the words “wife,” “baby,” “Stephanie,” “Little Sweetness,” and a host of others, the only additional one of which to trigger the sensory torture being “Salem.”  When it was over, he’d endured a total of more than 15 minutes of hell and nearly vomited once from the assault.  He dragged himself to the sink and shoved his head under the cold running water.  He couldn’t help but whimper with the pure, physical agony the duration of that exposure brought him. 

After his head had cleared enough to think straight so he could perform one final test, he rolled over to face the wall, closed his eyes tightly and barely whispered, “Kayla.”  To his utter shock, the sensors didn’t pick it up.  He did it exactly the same way with each of the additional words, and succeeded there, too.  Steve smiled.  He’d found a way to beat Stefano’s system.  Small and seemingly insignificant as it was to be able to barely whisper the names of his wife and daughter, he counted it as a desperately needed win for the home team.  He held on to it and hugged it to himself, wishing it was the warm, loving body of his wife, and praying to God that when he woke up in the morning that this jump would be over.

Kayla watched the clouds go by through the window of the private jet she, Shane, Tarrington, John, and a smattering of other ISA agents had boarded for Italy three hours ago.  Her fingers played at her lips with stress and impatience as she felt each moment of Steve’s captivity pass her by as slowly as the clouds outside her window.

This was completely foreign territory for her, literally and figuratively.  Her emotional state was somewhere between livid and basket case, and in the midst of that emotional state she was running around a life she had spent years trying to forget. 

The first thing she did after Tarrington debriefed she and Shane was go up to Shane’s office, put Stephanie in front of the TV, and write the letter to Jack.  She had no way of knowing how long this jump was going to last.  All the worry and effort might be for nothing, because for all she knew she’d be jumping by the time Big Bird finished his next song.  But in case they were there for the long haul – or even a short one – someone had to know that Steve was alive if she died trying to get him.  There was also the fact that they never knew what happened to the bodies they’d leave behind when they jumped.  They always just went blank and stayed that way until the other one jumped.  She figured they’d eventually come to, and if that happened, would they remember what their 2009 awareness were doing in them?  She couldn’t risk leaving Steve there with Stefano whether they knew who they were or not, so she placed her faith in Jack that he’d have the resources, skill, and love for his brother to get Steve out.

Jack,

If you’re reading this, then I wasn’t able to bring Steve back.  He’s not dead, Lawrence Alamain faked his death then sold him to Stefano Dimera.  Stefano will have him for years.  He’s torturing him, brainwashing him, and making him forget his family and the people he loves.  Including you.  And me and Stephanie.  I only just became aware of this recently.  The day after I came to see you I left for Italy with Shane, John, and an ISA team to rescue him.  Stefano has a compound on an island off Tuscany, but they haven’t told me which one.  If I don’t come back, or if I don’t answer the question right, or if I don’t come back with Steve, then you have to try.  You have to do what you can to rescue him.   It’s up to you now.

Kayla.

Kayla could only hope that it wouldn’t come to that.

She stopped in the living room where Shane and Tarrington were still discussing strategy and announced that she’d see them tomorrow morning when the car came for her at her mother’s house after she dropped off Stephanie.

“You really should just bring Stephanie to Shawn and Caroline’s now, one less thing for you to worry about,” Shane had said when she finished packing up her daughter to head home for the brief 24 hours before their flight to rescue Steve.  But Kayla wasn’t having any of it. 

“My daughter’s not a thing for me to worry about, Shane, I’m her mother, and until I get on that plane, then I’m going to act like it, which I’m pretty sure I haven’t been doing enough of.”

“Well, that’s just not true, Kay,” he said at a complete loss.

“We can just agree to disagree, then.  I’m fully capable of taking care of her while I pack a bag.” 

She realized now how bitter her voice was in her admonishment, but quite honestly, she was more than entitled to it and was, frankly, still reeling from the revelation that the ISA had known that people were being bought and sold by Stefano Dimera for seven months and hadn’t said anything.  She’d demanded to know if they knew one of those people were Steve, and Tarrington had told her, quite convincingly, that they had not.  That that discovery had only just been made two months before but they were having a hard time confirming it to be true.  Apparently, the extent of their knowledge was simply his small island location off the cost of Tuscany. 

All she’d thought about the entire way home was the fact that the ISA had known since November of 1991 that Steve had been alive but let him stay dead for 15 more years.  Why?  No inkling of such a possibility ever availed itself to Steve or Kayla, even as far as their last moment in 2009.  Did the confirmation never come?  If so, then why not tell them when he emerged in 2006?  It made no sense, she didn’t understand this at all.  Shane swore that he was completely in the dark until that very moment, and while she believed him, she wasn’t sold on Tarrington’s pleading of a similar fifth.  He seemed genuine, but this was the ISA, who were not exactly known for sooth-saying. 

Going back to her apartment with Stephanie wasn’t the port in the storm that she’d hoped it would be, either.  Kayla struggled to remember pretty much everything.  She didn’t live in this apartment very long, it was a time in her life that was unstable, and her surroundings weren’t that familiar.  Plus, Stephanie was not a small baby anymore.  Rice cereal, jars of baby food, and airplaning her around the room were not going to cut it with this older version of her daughter, and it added to her stress, trying to appease her and parent her well while focusing mostly on going to save Steve.  He’d never parented Stephanie at this age, but now that Kayla had the opportunity to make that happen, she was overwhelmed. 

Sensing that her mother was completely out of sorts, and having her daily routine so upside down (and having missed her nap), Stephanie was more than a little cranky.  Stephanie had whined and cried out in tired frustration as Kayla rifled through her pantry for whatever was in there.  When the pasta, cut up chicken, and green beans (out of a can … Steve really didn’t live there) were placed in front of her, she grabbed a handful and threw it to the floor.

A cry escaped Kayla’s throat as the overtired girl who had no idea this wasn’t quite the mother she knew pounded on the high chair tray and cried with her.  Kayla’s blood pressure was so high that she felt it in her throat.  She had six balls in the air and had no idea how she was going to keep them there.  Arranging Stephanie’s care with Caroline, calling in to work, navigating an apartment she didn’t remember well, remembering where her luggage even was in that apartment, feeling guilt over the act she’d jumped into here, and trying to be a good mother to her little girl.  She put her head in her hands and softly cried She needed Steve so much.  She needed him, and she felt that the walls were closing in.  But then she took a deep breath and forced herself to acknowledge that there was nothing more she could do than she was already doing.  Her job now was to be a mother to her child and just live this day until she either woke up the next day or jumped, whichever came first.

Kayla wiped her tears and said, “Ok, Stephanie, ya know what?  It’s just you and me ‘til bedtime, ok?  No crazy Mommy, just Mommy.” 

She spent the rest of the day focusing on the important things, parenting and playing with Stephanie, packing for Italy, making personal arrangements with the limited memory she had (and winging it where she needed to).  She didn’t bother with the things that didn’t matter, so she left dishes in the sink, clothes on the bedroom floor, and didn’t bother with any makeup or skincare products.

When she put Stephanie to bed, she was actually a little bit thankful for the difficulty of this day.  It was a reminder that what was happening to them amounted to so much more than just idyllic visits to their past.  It was dangerous, and every moment mattered.

Now Kayla stared out the window while the man that in this time was not her brother slept lightly in the chair next to her.  Shane peered over the paperwork he couldn’t actually concentrate on several times .  Kayla couldn’t tell if he wanted to catch her eye or didn’t, but finally she went to sit in the empty chair opposite him.  This was a distraction she wasn’t sure she needed, but she’d started to feel bad for inflicting such unfair confusion on him.  She had no idea what she was going to say to him as she ran a bothered hand through her very short hair, but she knew she had to say something.

“Hi,” she began carefully.

“Hello,” Shane replied coldly.

Kayla folded her hands on the table between their two seats and continued.  “I know you don’t understand any of this.”  Shane became very interested in looking out the window.  “And the truth is that I don’t have a way of explaining it that will make any sense.  But Steve is alive—“

“You don’t have to say it again, Kayla, of course, I understand that we’re over.  Steve is alive, I’m going to do everything in my power to bring him back, and then I won’t be standing in your way.”  On the surface those were great words, but his tone still communicated complete and utter confusion and anger. 

Kayla soldiered on.  “I meant that I know it seems like it defies logic the way it all came about.  But it’s Stefano Dimera.  Doesn’t that explain enough?” 

“Kay, I can buy Stefano Dimera faking Steve’s death.”

“It was Lawrence.”

“And hiding him, but I don’t buy you choosing to drop it on me during the,” and now he was whispering, “throes of passion.”  Kayla stiffened.  Why did she go over there, again?  Shane folded his arms and looked down for a moment.

“Shane, I’m not going to be able to give you an answer that you’ll understand.”

“Were we ever real?

Kayla looked very seriously into his eyes.  “Shane, I told you the other night.  I thought we were.  But it turns out that I was trying for years to dull my pain.”

“Years?”

“Months.  I was damaged back then – now, I mean – trying to get over Steve by doing things that I shouldn’t, and this is one of them.  I care so much about you, but I’m sorry, Shane, I’m, not in love with you.  You are the man my sister loves more than anything in this world other than her two kids.  And I have news for you, you’re in love with her, too.”

“Kimberly and I are over, Kay.”

“You’re only over because you’re choosing to be.  When this is all over, you have to go get her back.  Be a family.  Like I’m going to get mine.  It’s the way things were supposed to be.”

Kayla went back to her seat and hoped that would be the last time she’d ever have that kind of conversation with him, now or in any other time.  When she sat back down John roused and looked at her.

“We there?” he asked.

“No, we’ve still got three or four hours, I think.”

“I can’t believe Steve is really alive out there,” he said.  “I thought this Mayan business was tough, but I think Steve trumps me at this point.  Not that I haven’t been there.  When Shane called I couldn’t believe it until he said Stefano was behind it.” 

Kayla picked up John’s hand and looked at it as she held it in her own.  “Thank you for coming.  You’re making a big sacrifice leaving Isabella at this stage of her pregnancy.  It’s a lot to ask.”

“Steve would do it for me.  That’s a fact.” 

”Well, I promise that she’s not going to have the baby while you’re gone.  I have it on the highest authority.”  She stuck out her chin when she said it, her eye almost winking with good nature, as a small smile reached her eyes.

He looked Kayla in the eye and smiled as he kissed her knuckle.  “Don’t worry, we’re gonna get him back, Si—.”  He stopped abruptly, tilted his head in awkward acknowledgement, and slowly closed his eyes in regret.  “We’re gonna get him back.”

Kayla didn’t remember what this Mayan business was that John was talking about, and they both knew he wasn’t Roman.  But listening to him talk and hearing him almost call her “Sis,” she pined to have him be her brother as much as he pined for it to be so.  A stab of intense homesickness shot through her that threatened to swallow her whole. 

When Kayla locked eyes with him, he knew that face from her childhood, that sadness.  It was a memory born of artificial placement rather than having lived it, but it evoked the same protective, familial feelings in him just the same. 

Kayla’s eyes watered.  For the second time in however many jumps it was, she felt the comfort of her big brother.  Without hesitation, John lifted his arm and put it over her shoulder, then she laid her head against his shoulder and let her tears silently flow while he stroked her arm.  She was so relieved to have him there, so comforted by his presence.  “I’m so lost.  I need my brother right now, Ro—John,” she cried so softly as she fisted his shirt into her hands like she used to when they were (weren’t) kids.  “Can you please be my brother right now?”

“Shhh,” he said and dropped a kiss onto her head.  “You’ve got me, Buttercup.  You’ve got me.”

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