“You cannot be serious.”
“Oh, I’m serious, baby.”
“In public?”
“Yep.”
Kayla held up the itty bitty bikini swimsuit that Steve had bought for her before they left Salem with a dumbstruck look in her eye. It was a bright aqua blue, and if there were ever a swimsuit to scream 1980’s … this actually wasn’t it. One of the things Steve missed about 2009 was the breadth of availability of pretty much anything via online resources. Today in 1987, as in all their jumps to date, they were stuck with whatever they could show up for in-store. Which was why when he saw this swimsuit he practically went on automatic to get it in his hands. It was a classic style with ties around the back and the neck, and rather than the high, French-cut hip that was made popular in Sports Illustrated this year, it was cut straight across the top, with a very low rise below the belly button, and string ties at each hip. If he didn’t know any better he’d think it belonged to a Victoria’s Secret model in his rightful timeline. It was sexy, consisted of very little fabric, and it had to belong to his beautiful wife.
“You bought me this,” Kayla said as a haughty statement rather than a question. Steve just nodded with confidence, and Kayla finally broke down and giggled. “Steve, it’s … teeny,” she laughed. “I haven’t worn a two-piece since before Stephanie was born. I don’t think I can pull this off.”
“Baby, in case you haven’t noticed, your body hasn’t had any babies yet, and even after it did, it brings me to my knees just seeing you in your bra and panties. Trust me, you can pull it off. It’s your size, it’s going to fit perfectly, and I’m beggin’ you to put it on. I wanna go snorkeling.”
“You wanna take it off me.”
“After we go snorkeling.”
Kayla had just showered and was standing in a towel ready to put on this mystery gift that she knew had to be a swimsuit that Steve had been teasing her with all morning. She just had no idea it was this … bikini-ish. She sighed as she looked at the sparse pieces of fabric in her hands. The lined cups actually looked like they would hold up pretty well with these pert breasts she was sporting in this body, and the truth was that she was excited to wear it. She might not have been once upon a time, but she’d grown bolder over the years. She saw the look in Steve’s eye, and her nipples hardened; he wanted her, she could see him envisioning her in the swimsuit and wishing it was on her body instead of in her hands. Kayla licked her lips.
“You’re turned on, aren’t you?” she asked.
“Oh yeah.”
Kayla smiled. “Do you know how many times we’ve had sex in the last 48 hours?”
“Not nearly enough.”
“Not nearly,” she agreed with a twinkle in her eye. “You do realize, though, that people are going to see me in this,” she reminded him.
“I’m counting on it, baby. I want them to see how beautiful my wife is.”
“What if someone hits on me?”
Steve took the swimsuit and ran his fingers over the smooth fabric. “Then I’ll have to kill ‘em. Operative word being my wife.”
She enjoyed the look in her husband’s eye as he sized her up and down. He was wearing sensible trunks that had begun to tent out at a 90-degree angle some time ago. It would not be a look he’d want to sport when they let themselves loose on Kauai. They were staying at a resort on Hanalei Bay, and their snorkeling trip was going to be about an hour away. It wasn’t peak season, but it wasn’t like they had the island to themselves, either. For now, a thrill swept through her when he narrowed his eye at her lustfully.
Kayla cocked her head. “What?” she grinned.
“You know I’m going to make love to you all over this island, don’t you?”
“Mm-hmm,” she replied with raised eyebrows. “I’ve got your number, mister.” Then she sighed. “So, hand it over, let’s see if I can get this thing to cover all the right parts.” She took the bikini, grabbed the sarong that Steve had bought to go with the bikini, and closed the bathroom door behind her. When she emerged, Steve felt pure sex course through him. He wanted her. Right now.
Kayla raised her arm and leaned against the bathroom doorway while her other hand rested on the generous curve of her hip, the sarong dropped on the floor beside her. “You did a good job picking, Mr. Johnson.”
“God, Sweetness, you look …” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Kayla felt her cheeks get just the slightest bit pink, and Steve’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? How can you be blushing?”
“I don’t really know,” she admitted. “I feel sexy, and this thing makes me feel really …” she let her hand drift over her very flat belly, “… young. But knowing I’m going out there in public, I also feel just about naked.” Then she whispered, “It’s kind of exciting.”
Steve liked how she was feeling about herself right now. But had grown to realize over the months of these jumps that he didn’t really like it when she referred to herself as being old in their rightful timeline, which is what this indirect reference to being young today really was. He loved her and was turned on by any version of her that he knew. He hadn’t seen Kayla’s aged face in so long, but he knew it so well that he saw it in his mind’s eye every time he closed his eyes. 1979 was harder, he’d started thinking visually in the present, but he’d never lost who they really were in 2009. And he knew that her references to being older were a form of insecurity. Part of him felt insecure, too. He’d look at himself in the mirror sometimes and be glad that that old guy wasn’t looking back at him. But that was him; what he didn’t want was for her to feel like he wanted this destination Kayla more than he wanted his primary Kayla. It wasn’t the first time this all went through his head, and it wouldn’t be the last. He went to her and played with her soft, still damp hair.
“Kayla, you look so damn beautiful. Hot and sexy. I want to peel that off of you and take you right here.” His eye pierced hers as she listened. “And I will before this week is over,” he added as an aside with a wink. “But I’d give anything for us to wake up tomorrow to 2009. You know that, right? And you could wear this in any year, and I’d be as worked up as I am right now.”
Kayla ran her fingers tenderly down Steve’s cheek. The last time they were anywhere remotely tropical was when she was deprogramming him in Tinda Lau. There wasn’t enough money to get her in a bikini in that time, but she knew Steve meant it. Not just because he was saying it now, but because he exhibited that very sentiment in his actions while they were there live and in person. “You always know to make me feel so loved.”
“You are. Do you know how much?”
Kayla nodded. “I do. I feel the same way. But I can’t help but look at myself in the mirror and feel a bit of awe that I’ve got this body back again. I am older, Steve. I feel it – felt it. So, that awe never goes away. It never gets old.”
“I know, baby.”
Kayla’s lips turned up, and her eyelids dropped to half. “But …,” she let the word drip with suggestion and grabbed her breasts in both hands, “… my 2009 tits would bust right out of this.” Steve licked his lips when she said tits. She knew he would, too. She loved how powerful she felt when she got him excited.
“Well, of course, they would, you were—” Steve stopped himself short as he realized what he was about to say, and the rest of the sentence – nursing Joey – died before passing over his lips. It was too late, though. Kayla knew what he was going to say, and he couldn’t lie to himself and pretend he wasn’t about to say it. The emotion overtook them so fast neither of them had time to stop it. Kayla’s eyes watered, a giant rock formed in Steve’s throat, and gut-wrenching homesickness crashed over them like the waves crashing into the surf of Hanalei Bay.
The sadness was absolutely intense in the next several moments, and all they could do was hold each other as they cried. “I’m sorry, Sweetness,” Steve choked out. “I shouldn’t have said it.”
“Yes, you should have,” she replied as she wiped her cheeks. “We can’t pretend they don’t exist. We can’t pretend they were never born. They were born,” she cried. “I don’t want to forget.”
“I don’t want to hear you cry. I don’t want—to—either.”
“Forgetting is worse.” Steve nodded, because she was right.
The moment was as brief as it was strong, and it passed quickly. They kissed each other’s tears away and headed out to the terrace of the resort where an amazing array of local fruit of every kind was served for breakfast, along with standard fare. They both filled their plates and enjoyed feeding each other skewers of pineapple, papaya, grapes, oranges, and bananas.
“Wait, a minute, I’ve always wanted to do this,” Steve said. Kayla looked at him quizzically as he began meticulously peeling a fairly large green grape. It was not fast work, and he didn’t end up with a very pretty specimen when he was done, but it was, indeed, peeled, and he dutifully speared it with a wooden skewer and fed it to his Sweetness. Kayla took it into her mouth and chuckled as she chewed and swallowed it down, which took a fraction of the time Steve spent to prepare it. “Well?”
“It, uh … was good,” she smiled.
“Good? That’s it, I peel you a grape and all you’ve got for me is that it’s good?”
“Well … a little slippery, actually.” Steve smirked. “You always wanted to peel me a grape?” He shrugged and grinned at her. “Why?” she laughed.
“Why not?”
“Well, thank you, that was very romantic.” Steve huffed out a laugh, and she added, “you can cross it off your bucket list.” Now the smile spread across his face again, and Kayla knew why. Because there were other things on his bucket list that were now running through his head. “What else you got on there?”
“My bucket list?”
“Mm-hmm,” she smiled sweetly but with absolute intent.
“Well, Mrs. Johnson, I intend to show you. How about you, what’s on yours?”
“I’m willing to bet lots of the same ones that are on yours.”
“Well, if eating a peeled grape was on your list, then that’s one down for both of us.”
She giggled. “It wasn’t, actually, but now that I have, I think I’ll put it on there so I can cross it off, because that was, certainly a unique experience,” she said. “Tell me one more thing on your list that you intend on doing here on Kauai.”
“Making love to you on the beach,” he said softly. “I’ve never made love to my wife on the beach.”
Kayla ran her fingers down his face and over his chin. She loved touching him, and he loved being touched by her. “I can’t wait,” she said tenderly.
Steve kissed her fingers, then ate the last piece of pineapple on his plate. “You done eating, baby?” he asked. “There are fish as colorful as this fruit that are itching to be swam with out there. You ready?” She was, so they headed out to their rented, white convertible with red leather seats and headed toward an area known as The Tunnels to do some of the best snorkeling that existed in Hawaii. Hanalei Bay was perfect for just about everything else you could do in the water except snorkel, because the pure, sandy bottom of the ocean in that area did not provide a reef, which is what supported the variety of fish. So, the drive was going to be well worth it.
The Pacific was the exact right mix of cool and warm, and when Kayla dove into a wave, Steve dove in behind her. She’d swam quite a ways out from the shore, and enjoyed the anticipation of all the things she and Steve would see that were currently playing beneath their feet. They became one with the nature around them, playfully splashing at each other as they held hands atop the surface and looked down on the beauty below. If viewed from above they would have been positively stunning; floating together on the sun-dappled surface, they were the very picture of a travel magazine cover.
The snorkeling was unbelievable. Kayla was a bit nervous at first, but not really scared. Steve was an experienced diver, and although he hadn’t been in waters like these in, frankly, decades, she felt safe with him, and the beauty that surrounded them was impossible to ignore. The coral was rife with color and life swimming by. Steve pointed out all kinds of anemones, starfish, and tropical fish species of every color under the sun. They explored together and separately, swimming in the vast ocean with their fins, masks, and snorkels. Kayla got the hang of it very quickly. It wasn’t like this was the first time she’d ever donned snorkeling equipment, but it had been quite some time. In short order, Kayla was gliding through the water, diving to look at something on the sea floor, then arching her back to surface for a breath. At one point Steve went to touch a speckled grey rock, but just before he made contact, the rock undulated, changed color to a shocking indigo so fast that if it could have been heard it would have been a shriek, then used its eight tentacles to pump the water over itself, disappearing over a ridge. His heart raced for just a moment as he realized he’d disturbed some species of octopus. Kayla missed it, so he told her about it, and she paled.
“I do not need to see any octopi – octopuses – whatever. Maybe we should head back.”
“What was that about your pussy?”
“Steve!”
He laughed and kissed her. “Relax, baby, we’re ok out here, see we’re not far from shore.”
He’d convinced her well enough to earn them another 20 minutes or so out there, which was more than worth it as enormous, blue fish about the size and width of dinner plates swam by them. It was a sight to behold, as was that of his wife as Steve swam beneath her while she peered down from the surface, her body gorgeously silhouetted by the sun. She watched, too, from above as Steve swam right up under her and blew out through his snorkel to tickle her belly. She laughed, and he joined her on the surface to capture her beautiful lips in a fierce kiss. Several other snorkelers were sharing space with them, but it was quite a large space. So even with others around, there was more than enough privacy for them to intertwine their bodies in kisses and embraces as they enjoyed the beautiful fauna of the Pacific ocean.
Just as they began swimming back something languidly glided into Kayla’s view. The mask prevented peripheral vision, so when the giant green sea turtle passed within just feet of her face it startled the wits out of her. Kayla let out a scream through the snorkel and began flailing. The turtle didn’t give her much of a thought. He turned his head toward the creature next to him making the odd noise, but he lazily went on his merry way, which happened to be about the same way she and Steve had been going. Steve panicked as every pitfall from jellyfish to sea snake to shark passed through his mind. Kayla spluttered out the water she’d inhaled, but she quickly convinced him that she wasn’t hurt, just startled. She pointed down as she continued to cough up the water, and sure enough, when Steve peered back into the (not so) deep, he saw the sea turtle. They both laughed, and when Kayla caught her breath, they took full advantage of being in the presence of this beautiful, serene creature that was, certainly, twice their age if he was a day. They didn’t touch him, and they didn’t try to encourage him to come closer, but they did look him right in the eyes. It was as if the gentle giant was trying to tell them something, his eyes were so incredibly soulful and expressive. Almost human in their connection with theirs. It was powerful, and they felt such touching emotion as he swam with them. It was a truly beautiful experience.
Snorkeling at the Tunnels was the perfect experience for their first full day in Hawaii for several reasons, not the least of which being that it allowed Kayla to ease into the public display of her bikini-clad body. And it felt good. She and Steve left the ocean dried off, and then walked up and down a small stretch of coastline. It was very warm with little breeze, so she wore only her bikini, no sarong. She picked up as many interesting and unique shells as she could, and Steve enjoyed watching her admire them. He had mixed feelings of enjoyment and jealousy when people inevitably stared at his beautiful woman. Men of all ages practically let their tongues hang out, and women appreciated her beauty for what it was and wished it was their own. Most of all, they were admired as a couple, just as they had been on their walk back to the loft on their wedding night, because their love was that obvious. Steve was proud to have her on his arm, and she was proud to be there.
After a late lunch in a small café where the people were so friendly that they could see why mainlanders easily got drawn in to transplanting themselves here permanently, they headed back to the resort. It was late afternoon when they decided to go back to the ocean. This was a much different experience, as the beach of Hanalei Bay was completely pristine, and the ocean floor was sandy smooth. They were able to embrace and cuddle in the water here, and they took full advantage of it. This wasn’t remotely peak season, so there weren’t more than a couple dozen people on the entire beach. More than once Steve bent his head beneath the water to suck at her breasts. The water was salty, her skin was divine, and Steve continued counting in his head the ways in which he was going to ravish her during their stay. The fantasizing about the sex they were going to have got him hard. Kayla saw the look in his eye, reached down, and felt the rod that she wanted nothing more than to relieve.
“Should I take care of that for you, baby?” Kayla asked with pity in her voice.
“Depends, how do you plan to take care of it.”
“Hmm … Well, it’s hard—”
“Really f*cking hard, thing’s like steel, baby.”
Kayla grinned. “As I was saying if you’d let me finish my sentence, sir …”
“Sir?!”
“… it’s hard to get you off properly while the waves throw off our balance.” She swam into his arms where her buoyancy made her weigh nothing, wrapped her arms and legs around him, and pressed herself against the erection that was resting against her belly. “So what do you propose?”
Steve was turned on by her words alone, but the feel of her wet body against him made it that much hotter. Still, too many people were around, so he exhaled in disappointment. “He can wait, Sweetness. I’ve got plans for him.”
“Do they involve me?” she teased.
“Of course, they do,” he smiled.
“Do they involve making love in the ocean?” Steve grinned mischievously and pulled his wife’s head to his for a salty, wet kiss.
“They might. But not right now.” Kayla pouted, and Steve kissed the frown off her face. He calmed down his erection so he could get out of the water, but Kayla couldn’t do anything about her nipples, which were so hard they poked through the fabric leaving nothing to the imagination. “Nice headlights,” Steve said as he laid down on his towel and closed his eyes to the sun that was still well above the horizon. Kayla laughed. They basked for a little while, the choices and effectiveness of 1987 sunblock a challenge, though they did slather on what they had. It didn’t take long before the tropical warmth lulled them into utter relaxation. Before long they started dozing lightly while holding hands beside each other. Kayla instinctively knew to flip over and did so. She looked over at Steve, and he was just the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on. His chest was firm and muscular, his tattoo prominent, and he was just so masculine. Her thoughts drifted to the plane and what they’d done while aboard. The way he reacted to her, how he held her. The way Steve fisted his hands through her hair and couldn’t help but slap her ass and grab it hard as he came. That excited her, knowing she could work him into such a frenzy that he couldn’t actually control himself. She wanted to make him lose control like that again. So that he couldn’t see straight. She moved the long hair aside that had fallen over his eye and remembered how he’d told her how much he loved her just by how he kissed her after she’d pleasured him there under the blanket. She laid her head down on her pillowed arms and looked at him with just one eye as the other one closed into her arms.
“Steve?” Kayla asked in a voice from her lower register.
“Mm?” he replied half-asleep.
“Was that really the best blow job I’ve ever given you?”
Steve’s penis stirred at the unexpected, provocative question. He tilted his head and cast a serious gaze upon her. “Yes,” he said. His voice was so sexy she almost couldn’t breathe.
“Remember them all, do you?”
Steve’s gaze didn’t waver. He didn’t confirm, he didn’t deny, and he didn’t stop the unrelenting stare, drilling the truth of his statement into her. God, what he did to her. Her whole body was tingling, wanting to feel his hands on her.
“You’re gonna burn, Sweetness,” Steve finally said in a velvety smooth voice that actually made her wet. “I think I need to get some sunblock on you.” Kayla smiled and closed her eyes. Steve untied the strings at her back and then at her neck and laid them out to her sides. The sides of her breasts hinted at what was pooled beneath her, and Steve took a quick look around to see how close the nearest people were to them. Not very close. He slid down next to her, rolled her over so that her body faced his, then sucked her naked breast into his mouth. Kayla gasped, and he sucked hard. Then he moved up her neck and bit at it before whispering in her ear, “Best head of my life.” Kayla’s breath caught in her throat. He kissed her quickly but hungrily, then rolled her back onto her tummy. The whole thing lasted less than 15 seconds, and no one saw anything. “That answer your question?”
“Mm-hmm,” she moaned.
Steve squeezed some of the thick, white lotion out of the tube, and he couldn’t believe how tunnel-visioned his mind was, as what he was thinking of was not what was actually in his hand. Kayla cooed as the cool lotion made contact with her warm skin. Steve started with her back, then squirted more directly onto the backs of her thighs where he rubbed more of it into her fair skin.
“I think you should tell me more about these plans you have for your penis,” Kayla said in a sensuous tone.
Steve slipped his hand inside the left thigh of Kayla’s bikini bottoms and rubbed it against her round bottom. He was propped up on his side as he continued to rub wantonly. “Well, baby, my plans for him involve a lot of hot, wet places.” Then he moved his hand down to her crotch from behind and parted her folds with his thumb. “Like this one right here,” he said, calm as a placid lake. “They involve making love in places we’ve never made love before.”
“Like airplanes?”
“We’d done that before.”
“Not like that,” she said as the excitement built with the stroking of his thumb against her clitoris. “Is this the public place you said you were going to make me come?”
“No, this is child’s play, Sweetness.” Kayla’s eyes popped open. How could this be child’s play? It was broad daylight. With people around. Unless, of course, he was being a tease.
“If you’re going to stop, stop now, because I’m almost at the point of no return.”
“Then let go, baby, ‘cause I’m not stopping.”
“Wh-what?” Steve rubbed harder. “Oh God.”
“Come on, baby, let go. Show me that beautiful face you make when you come.”
That was enough to drive her climax to completion. Kayla’s body jerked as she cried out softly, and Steve almost impaled her when she grabbed at his dick and held it as she released. She moaned and whimpered as the waves settled in her belly. She moved her body over Steve’s and pressed herself against him leaving her bikini top beside her. Steve wrapped his arms around her and held her fiercely as she kissed him with lusty passion. She kissed his neck, sucked on his earlobe, and pulled up on his ass so that she could feel his erection against her wet core. They made out like that for a short while before Steve subtly got her back into her bikini top, then they made out some more. Eventually he felt Kayla tire, so he slowed them down and insisted they go back to the room and catch a nap. They slept for the next two hours naked in each other’s arms. At nearly 7 PM, Kayla woke, slipped her bikini back on with her sarong and a cover-up, and nudged her husband.
“Steee-eeve,” she said sexily “Time to feed me.”
Steve opened his eye to a slit and asked her what she was looking to eat. She smiled and said pasta.
“Pasta?”
“Yes, I’m starving, come on.”
Steve got dressed, and just after 10 PM with a heavy meal and a bottle of wine behind them, they found themselves back on the beach in a far more secluded spot than they’d been in during the day. This time the long expanse was empty save for the occasional strolling couple many yards away at the shoreline. Their tongues danced with each other, and their hands couldn’t be kept to themselves. They’d brought two towels with them, as well as the extra blanket from the closet of their room, and they were sprawled inside of it. Kayla felt so bold. Liquid courage coursed through her – not enough to intoxicate her, but enough to make her crave the danger of public sex.
“Are you going to make love to me here?” she dared him, rather than ask. “Are you going to make me come?”
“I already did that.”
“Are you going to do it again? With your cock this time?”
Steve growled. “Yes,” he promised her, “but first I’m going to get you naked.” He watched for her reaction and grew his dick to absolute steel when he saw the excitement in her eyes. Real anticipation at the prospect of doing this in public. It was a private and secluded spot to be sure, but like the airplane, it was in no way safe from passers-by, not really. “Oh, Sweetness. Oh, baby, I love you so much. You’ve gotten adventurous over the years. More than I would have ever believed our first time through 1987.”
Kayla didn’t blush, she was too horny. “I guess I have.” She kissed him as he pulled at the strings of her bikini top. She didn’t break eye contact as he did the same with the other set of strings, then he pulled it away from her, leaving her upper body exposed. “Life is too short to ignore when your fantasies can become reality.”
“You’ve fantasized about this?”
“I don’t know a woman who hasn’t wanted to make love on the beach. And here I am with the man I love, my husband, and I want it. When I know what I want, I want to take it.” She reached down and tugged Steve’s trunks down over his ass.
“You take what you want, baby, I’m gonna give it to you. I’m gonna give you every dream you’ve ever had. Because you’ve already given me mine.”
Kayla helped Steve lower her Bikini bottoms, then kicked them away. “I love you, Steve.”
“I love you, too, Sweetness.”
They lay naked in each other’s arms with the blanket surrounding them. Steve wanted to taste her. He wanted to run his tongue over her wet lips and drink in her essence, but he wasn’t sure how to pull it off. Instead he parted her folds with his fingers and inserted two of them inside of her. Kayla inhaled sharply and moaned with the feeling of his fingers against her g-spot. He stroked her and loved the feel of her vagina squeezing around his fingers. She released a gush of wetness and couldn’t stop herself from gathering the meaty flesh beneath the hilt of his tattoo into her teeth and nipping at it. Steve cried out in the delicious feel of her on his tattoo that way, it felt so good. It felt even better when she bathed the spot with her tongue then nipped it again.
Steve removed his fingers and teased his cock up and down her wet slit. She wanted to feel him fill her, but he was enjoying their foreplay too much. And he wanted to hear her ask for it. She tried to position herself so that he would slip inside her, but he gave her a sly smile as he rubbed his dick more forcefully against her entrance, making contact with her clitoris. This made her moan in ecstasy, and now all she wanted to do was come.
“Feel good, baby?”
“Feels so good. Steve, so good!”
Their sexual appetite was at ravenous levels now, and Kayla wanted nothing more than for Steve to impale her with his cock. The blanket had come off of them, but they were too high on the sex coursing through them to re-position it. Instead, Kayla rolled over onto the bare sand and brought Steve with her so that he rested above her. The sand was so warm beneath her, and his weight felt good. She felt secure and safe and utterly loved. She reached for the blanket to cover them, but Steve stopped her.
“Wait, baby, we gotta do it on top of the blanket not under it. Or on top of a towel.”
“What?”
Steve somehow found the will to stay his motions while he took a quick look around, then repositioned them. “Can’t do it on the bare sand, gotta have a blanket … damn.”
Kayla was starting to feel what she assumed was a fraction of what men felt when blue balls settled upon them. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Sand on the towels, can’t lay on those. We’ve gotta do it on the blanket, move back over, baby,” he said. Then he picked her up with strong arms and moved her the two feet back to the center of the blanket.”
“Why can’t we make love on the sand?” she asked curiously, her sexual need in a real frenzy. He crawled on top of her again, and then wrapped them back up like a burrito. This gave them less room, but they were concealed.
Steve smiled at her question and appeared almost bashful. “Sex on the beach is great, baby, don’t get me wrong, but you don’t want the sand getting into places it doesn’t belong. Doesn’t feel good. Trust me, big mistake.”
Steve lowered his lips to her neck and sucked it gently, letting his tongue travel to her collar bone, her sternum, then her breasts. He took one into his mouth, then the other. He moaned around her rosy tips and licked at them. He was surprised when they didn’t stiffen, so he suckled them harder.
The euphoria that had been building in Kayla had taken a sudden and unexpected dive. Her hand rested on the nape of her husband’s neck where she was instinctively caressing him with her thumb. But her mind was no longer on their sexual activities, it was now fully on the sentence he’d just uttered, and it was causing a coldness to settle into the pit of her stomach.
Sex on the beach is great, baby, don’t get me wrong …
“It is?”
Steve was ready to join with his wife and wanted to see those nipples of hers harden with greedy lust for him when she said the words aloud. He quickly took her lips with his and tried to eat at them hungrily, but he felt immediately that something was wrong and worked hard to go back. “What is?” Steve asked, trying to understand the words she’d just said, only she had no idea she’d said them aloud.
“What?” she asked with an absent tone.
Steve’s thoughts turned immediately concerned. The look on Kayla’s face was … not a good look. “Are you ok?” Kayla didn’t quite reply, she just continued staring at him with the strangest look on her face. “Kayla, what is it?” He was leaned up on his elbows now and held the back of her neck in his large, warm hand. “What did you mean by that? ‘It is’ what?”
That’s when it fully hit her – when she let it. “Sex. On the beach,” she said softly.
Steve didn’t understand yet. “You wanna stop? We can stop, Sweetness, it’s – did you change your mind, it’s fine, honey.”
His rare use of that endearment mixed with her realization made it so much worse. That word was reserved for what could best be described as high levels of emotion. Joy, anxiety … in this case worry. When Steve saw tears spring to her eyes, he was truly alarmed.
“Kayla, did I hurt you?! Are you – what’s wrong, you tell me right now!” He got to his knees beside her and looked furiously around them making sure no one was nearby, because they were both exposed now. He put one of the towels against her, which would do for now, and he did the same.
She shook her head. “You didn’t hurt me.” But when the tears came over her and she cried out loud, Steve was at a serious loss. He had no idea what was going on here. “It’s not on your bucket list. It’s on mine, but it’s not on yours. You … why would you lie?”
Steve was perplexed. “Sweetness, I don’t understand. What do you mean making love on the beach isn’t on my list? Of course, it is. I want to make love to you right now. We’ve never done it before.”
“I haven’t. You have.”
“No, Kayla, I – ” Finally, it hit him. “Oh. I – you – I get it.”
“Who with?”
“Kayla, please don’t cry. I don’t understand why you’re crying.”
She knew exactly why she was crying, and the reality of it hit her so hard that it was physical. Steve reached for her, but she flinched away from him. Nothing could hurt Steve more than his wife recoiling from his touch. His eyes flared at her.
“Who with?!” She already knew. She absolutely knew. “It wasn’t something you did while we were married.”
“We never weren’t married!”
“Before you went away!”
Steve was now just as upset as Kayla was. His dick had gone flaccid, and while it didn’t feel the least bit good, it felt a hell of a lot better than his heart did right now. Because he knew where this conversation was going. “It doesn’t matter, Kayla, I’ve never made love to you on the beach, and that’s what’s on my list!”
“Who f*cking with?!”
“You know who!”
“Say her name.”
“No.”
“Say her name, Steve!”
“No!”
“Why, will that bring back the feelings you had for her? Will it make the memory of making love to her more real?!”
Steve felt like he’d been stabbed through the gut. The pain her words inflicted on him were tangible, and he lit up like a hot fireplace poker ready to stoke the embers, even as his voice broke.
“How can you say that to me? God, Kayla, you really know how to hurt me. After everything we’ve been through, how can you say that? How can you, Sweetness?” A tear slipped down his face. “How?”
Kayla felt the burning stab of remorse with the horrible thing she’d just said to him, and it was so painful that she felt it as much as he did. But the damage had been done on both sides, and she didn’t have the strength to take the words back. All she could do was feel the vulnerable, jealous betrayal that her realization had drawn out. It had crawled out from the depths of her soul where she’d begun to bury it the day they brought Joe home from the hospital. She’d continued to pile more and more dirt on top of it so that it stayed buried, but somehow she couldn’t keep it there.
Steve wept with guilt over the nine women he’d slept with while he believed he was Nick Stockton, none more so than Ava Vitali, the woman who duped Steve so insidiously to cheat on his wife. Able bodied, full-of-faculty, and not the least bit altered when she conned him into cheating on the woman he loved more than his own life. Because that’s what it was. Kayla knew it, and so did he. He didn’t actually sleep with Ava, but the only thing that separated them was his underwear, and in no world that he and Kayla lived in would kissing not count. He cheated. He did it because he thought she’d be killed if he didn’t. He did it because Ava duped him into believing it when all she really wanted to do was hurt Kayla. He thought he had no alternative by the time he’d relented … only he did. He did have alternatives. But his abject fear for her life drew him into allowing it to happen anyway.
Steve pulled out all the times he’d filed away reactions Kayla had to Ava, direct or indirect. He acknowledged all the times he saw that she wasn’t really over Ava like he’d hoped she was. He lined them up in front of him, queued them up in his head, and saw them for what they really were. Evidence of his betrayal. Proof that he’d hurt her so badly that there was a moment that day they came home from the hospital with their baby boy that he thought she might just leave him. He’d apologized and poured out his heart and explained to her why he did it. It felt inadequate, but she’d accepted it. And somehow she’d stayed. Somehow she didn’t give up on them. They tiptoed around each other for a while, and he tried to pretend it was enough, because her pain faded, and eventually they felt whole. She was shot so soon after that, and his world almost collapsed. When she came home it was like they’d had a new lease on life with their beautiful little family. Then they started jumping right after that. What if they hadn’t begun jumping? Would Ava have crept back in like she was doing now? Would they have eventually fallen apart? Would the pain have been too much? Could Kayla have actually left him? He would never know, would he? My God, he couldn’t really ever know.
Steve wrapped the towel around his middle and secured it, then he got on his knees as his wiped his wet face with the heel of his hand. He made his way over to his wife, her towel still sagging against her, exposing one breast. He took her trembling hand in his that was shaking just as much, and she hung on to it with a mixture of love and the simple need for support through what they were now doing.
“Don’t do this, baby. Please, don’t do this.” He let go of her so he could wrap Kayla’s towel around her, securing it as he did his, and she let him. Then he cupped her face. She let him do that, too, but there was no tenderness in her expression. “You know how I feel about you, Kayla. You remember our vows? You remember what I said to you the other day when we stood on that pier? You know.
“Yeah, I know,” she said, her voice trembling. “I know how much you love me.”
“And you know how I feel about her.”
“Ava,” she spat. “Say. Her. Name.”
“Ava,” he said in a very small voice.
“You … made love to her … on the beach.”
“I had sex with her, Kayla, it was sex! And I didn’t know who I f*cking was!”
“But you knew who you were when you got into her bed on the compound!”
“What are we talking about here, Kayla?! One has nothing to do with the other!”
“Oh yes they do! You did what you always do when it comes to other women in your life that you’ve loved!”
“I love you! Nick loved her!”
“You kept her a great big secret, and by the time I got the full story you were in a vintage Steve Johnson no-win situation!”
“What?!”
“Why didn’t you just tell me about her when you saw her from the plane?! Why didn’t you say, look, there’s a woman I was with while I was gone, and she’s out there right now?!”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I was trying to protect you! I didn’t know what she was into, Kayla! I didn’t know what her motivation was! I just knew she was dangerous, her family is the mob! And I knew that leaving her put the reason I left her in danger, and that reason was you! That reason was Stephanie! Somewhere in my subconscious I knew you two were out there, and that I didn’t belong with her! And sure enough, she killed your father!” Now Kayla really began to sob. Steve hated making her cry but he had to make her understand. “I know I should have told you, but when your pop died, and we crashed, and then I find out you’re carrying our baby, I couldn’t put you in danger, I had to get rid of her before she took more people I cared about away!”
“But she got me anyway! Because I didn’t know and went to find you!”
“And you were carrying my baby!”
“So you sleep with her?”
“I didn’t want to, Kayla, I wasn’t enjoying myself.”
“Oh … yes … you … WERE!”
Now Steve was the one who felt betrayed. The very least he could count on was her trust in him – her belief in him that even bad choices were made with honest intent and with only what was best for her in mind, even when he was wrong. My God, how could she say that?
“You take that back!”
“No!” Kayla got up and paced, and Steve followed her.
“You f*cking take it back!” he spat as he turned her around roughly.
She was on fire, every nerve was raw, open to the harsh reality his infidelity had scarred them with. “I was there, Steve. I was pushed into that room by Ava’s goon, and I saw your hands on her … I heard you sigh.” She held her face in her hands and cried. “I saw your arms around her, and I saw what your face looked like as you kissed her. Did you have to be kissing her?” She looked back up and him, and she was gutted. “With the same lips you kissed me with? And the same look on your face? You felt … good.”
Steve was devastated. He was devastated by what she saw, he was devastated by how it made her feel, he was devastated that she’d buried it for so long letting it fester into something so cancerous that he wasn’t sure they were going to recover, and he was devastated that she could possibly think that what she was observing was real.
Steve’s amplified emotions were overwhelming him with equal parts pain and fear. And anger.
“I told you what went on in that room,” he said in a dangerously low tone as he backed her up against a rocky outcropping. “I told you the day we brought Joey home from the hospital, I told you why I did what I did.”
“Well, I still don’t understand it,” she seethed, refusing to be intimidated.
“Then I’m gonna tell you again. He pulled her forcefully down back onto their blanket where they both knelt in front of one another. “I woke up in her bed. I was drugged, she’d taken off my clothes, and she got into bed with me. All I could think of was you, I didn’t know where you were. Bo and Hope were in bad shape and they were gone, too. I didn’t know which way was up, goddammit! The bullshit she was spouting? Wanting our baby, that you agreed?”
“I didn’t agree!”
“No sh*t!” Kayla blinked nervously but did not relax the set of her chin. “It proved to me how nuts she was, Kayla! I tried getting through to her with the truth, anyway. That you were the love of my life.” Steve’s voice wavered, but he found his control. “I told her that, I told her that we belonged together and that my heart was already spoken for. And for a minute I really thought I was gettin’ through to her. But then … Kayla, then she got scary. She started going off on … on …” Steve dragged a weary hand down his face. “On I don’t know what, i just started spinning my wheels trying to stall while I figured out how to get out of this. And she threatened Stephanie. She threatened to hurt you, to take our baby. And I believed she could because she’d already shot Hope and pushed you down. And you’d had a cramp, do you remember that? Because I did, and I panicked.” More tears leaked from Steve’s eye. “All I could think to do was give her what she wanted. And maybe I could save you. She agreed to let you go if I’d make love to her.” Kayla hiccupped a cry, and Steve took her by the shoulders. I told her no. That this was sex. That we’d have sex and that she’d have to take me on my terms, which were that I was still in love with my wife. She didn’t like it, but she took it, and so did I, because I couldn’t go on livin’ if she took you and Joey away from me! She was hearin’ music in her head, Kayla, because I made her believe. But all I was hearin’ was the sound of you continuing to live!”
“Well, congratulations, you were completely convincing!” she screamed.
“Why did you stop believing in me?!”
“Because You cheated!”
“YES! I CHEATED! I CHEATED ON YOU, KAYLA, I CHEATED, GODDAMMIT, I CHEATED!” Steve laid his head into Kayla’s knelt lap and cried his remorse. “I just wanted my wife and baby to live, Kayla, please … I just couldn’t go on if something happened to you. I had to make her believe, she had to believe I wanted it, because if I could manipulate her, then maybe I wouldn’t have had to follow through.” Kayla dropped her hand onto his head and stroked it, because it wasn’t in her not to. “But I would have slept with her if that’s what it took. I’m sorry, Kayla, I’m so sorry! I didn’t sleep with her, but I would have … I would have … and either way I cheated. But I never wanted it.”
Kayla collapsed her upper body on top of Steve and sobbed as he did the same. “Marina was nothing compared to what I walked in on in that room, Steve. It hurt. It hurt so bad that I … I feel it.” Her voice was soft again. Her pain was so deep as she cried with him. “Do you know I remember the shape of the headboard? The color of the wood? The decorations on the walls? It’s here in my head,” she cried as she rubbed at her temple.
“That scream as you tried to get out of the room lives in mine.”
Steve held her so tightly. He leaned back up, held her face to his, and kissed her with not just the love inside him, but the need for her to love him. She gave him what he needed, because she did love him. She had so much love for him inside of her that she didn’t know what to do with it. Then he broke the kiss and wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs, but all she did was replace them with more.
“I’m not over it. I want to be over it, but I’m not.”
“Sweetness, do you really think that I have any feelings for her now or that I did the moment I remembered you? Do you think there was ever a moment that Steve Johnson wanted to marry her? She didn’t say anything, but her tears continued to fall. “Do you?” he asked again more aggressively.
Kayla was hurt. She was devastated by his actions. And that one statement made just moments ago about having sex on the beach being great, don’t get him wrong, brought the dormant rage back up to the surface with a vengeance she had no idea lived there. But she answered him truthfully. “No. No, I don’t.”
Steve exhaled, though not in relief just yet. “Good. Because I didn’t. I’m not saying I didn’t have feelings for her, I did.” He continued quickly before the tears could return to his wife’s eyes. “But they ended with the flick of a switch the moment I remembered that I love you. When my memories downloaded into me, there was nothing that happened in those 16 years away from you that could override them. Nick Stockton went away, and so did the feelings for Ava Vitali.” Kayla took a shuddering breath and tried to dry her face. “Now Kayla, you dig deep and you be real. Do you honestly believe that I wanted to be with her in that bed?”
She looked away and took another breath. “You say you didn’t. Fine, I believe you.”
“Well, there’s a ringing endorsement if I ever heard one.”
Kayla huffed out a breath and rounded her gaze back upon him. “It’s not only that she happened, Steve. The whole thing was made worse because you lied about her the whole time, and I was in the dark. You kept her from me. Just like you kept Marina from me.” Now Steve worked the muscle in his jaw. He hated the comparison, and he was tired of defending himself now. He was terrified, but he was tired of it.
“Like you kept Shane from me?”
“That’s not the same!”
“Yes it is.”
“No! I didn’t sleep with Shane after you came back.”
“What if it was sleep with him or I die, what would you do? Didn’t Kim make that choice once? I’ll bet she would do it again, too.”
The veracity of that statement hit Kayla like a ton of bricks. But she did resent the comparison to Shane. “I thought you said we’d done that six ways ‘til Sunday. Isn’t that what you said? That we were done with that?”
Steve nodded somberly. “You’re right, we are. But then why aren’t we done with Ava?”
That was a good question. She shrugged and drew her knees up to her chest. “You said you’d never done it on the beach. You lied to me.”
“I didn’t.”
Kayla gave Steve a frustrated, resentful look. “You did, Steve. You had sex with Ava on the beach!”
“That’s not what was on my bucket list, Kayla! It was making love to you on the beach that was on my bucket list! That’s what I wanted to do with you, make love with my wife on the beach! Have her make love to me back. That’s what I was talking about! And if you think that being with her could possibly compare to being with you, then … then …” He let a sob escape from him despite his anger. “Then just kill me right now, because that you could think that is killing me.”
Kayla understood now, and she felt slightly abashed, deflating her anger just a little. “I … I don’t think that.”
“No?! Could have fooled me, Sweetness!” She reacted to his angry use of “Sweetness,” but this time he wasn’t sorry. She was hurting, he knew she was, but he was hurting, too.
“I thought we were different.” She said it so softly, it was barely above a whisper. Steve had to strain to hear her above the crash of the surf. “Marlena cheated on Roman. Bo and Hope have been with other people while they were married – Billie,” she said with sadness. “Kim stayed with Cal when she could have had Shane back. None of our friends have stayed truly faithful. But we were. Even while we weren’t together, if our love was true, so were we.
“I kissed Billie.”
“You didn’t remember you loved me yet.” Steve nodded, because that was true. “But being with Ava. It destroyed me.”
“I remember. I was there.” He held her face so gently. “I thought she was going to kill you and our unborn baby. I know it could have gone down another way, but it didn’t. That’s the choice I made. It was the wrong one, and she was just playing me all along, I know that. But I didn’t make it because I wanted to be with her, I made it because I was terrified of being without you.”
Kayla dropped her head into her hand and cried the last of her tears as he continued saying words that were as difficult for her to hear as they were for him to say. But they had to be said, or this honeymoon was going to end before it started. If it hadn’t already. “You wanna know how I know about the sand? Why I stopped us and moved you back to the blanket?”
“No, I don’t!”
“Too bad. Because I didn’t know any better the first time, when I did it with her. Dry sand inside of your tender insides is gonna damage you. They’re like tiny little rocks with sharp edges. Learned the hard way when it damaged her. We were having a fine old time gettin’ it on in the sand, but the minute it got on my dick and inside her, neither of us were in any condition to do it for a while.”
Kayla cringed. “This is supposed to make me feel better?!”
“Yes! With Ava it was sex on the beach, and it was really bad sex, too. With you, it’s something beautiful with my wife. It’s hot, it’s sexy, I know how to be sure not to hurt you or me, and we’re making love. My wife and I are making love on the beach, to each other. There’s never a time that we have sex that I’m not making love to you, Kayla. Don’t you know that?”
The tropical night breeze rustled through Steve’s hair, and this time it was Kayla who kissed her husband with soft, tender lips that needed him so badly. “Don’t you know that, Kayla?” Steve repeated between her needy kisses, “Don’t you know that?”
“Help me get over it, Steve,” she begged him as she dragged her wet lips down Steve’s neck and to his chest. “I want to get over it. Please.”
“Don’t leave me, Sweetness,” he pleaded as his wife clung her lips to his inked chest. “I love you.”
The need to take her husband inside of her and connect with him on the deepest level overwhelmed Kayla. She pulled his towel open and crawled into his lap to straddle him with her knees on either side of his thighs. “Steve … Steve, I don’t want to feel this way.” She kissed him so passionately that Steve felt how badly she needed him. He knew he should conceal them, but he couldn’t help himself when he removed her towel, laying them both naked to the night sky and anyone who would spot them on an evening stroll.
Kayla pushed Steve down on the blanket and continued her aggressive actions. Steve was hard and thick, and she needed him inside her. She wanted to feel him, and she was going to take him. He held onto her hips as she guided his erection inside of her, then lowered herself heavily. They both moaned, and Kayla worked her velvet sheath up and down around her husband’s cock.
“Make me feel you, Steve! Hard! I need it hard, make me feel you!”
Steve thrust up into his wife and watched her breasts bounce. “You feel that, baby? You feel it?”
“No!” she cried out frantically, “Harder!” Steve tried to turn them over so he could pound into her, but she wouldn’t let him. “No!”
“Then ride me fast, baby. You ride me!” With every roll of her Kayla’s hips, Steve guided them in a hard downward motion while he pushed his penis forcefully up inside her. Kayla loved his hands on her, and she wanted to keep feeling him thrust up into her as far as he could. He watched her breasts bounce and had to capture one in his mouth, so leaned up and sucked one in. Her forceful strokes of her vagina tight around his cock made him want to stay buried in her forever. But what he wanted more right now was to hear her say she loved him.
“You’re mine,” Kayla grunted. “My husband, you love me, you only love me!”
“Shh,” Steve tried to quiet her.
“Please, Steve … say you’re mine. That you belong to me and that you’re mine!”
Now Steve did succeed in shifting so that their positions were directly opposite. “I’m yours, baby. Yours! When did you stop believing, Sweetness? When did you stop believing that I belonged only to you? He pumped into her with his steeled cock hard as he chastised her, his anger having returned when he didn’t hear I love you on her lips. “When did you start believing I could be anyone’s but yours, Kayla?”
“When I saw you ready to put your—”
He silenced her with a hot, angry, and carnal kiss. He wouldn’t hear the words. He refused to let her say them. He continued sucking at her mouth, his tongue sweeping through it. Then he bent both her legs at the knee, spread them wider, and thrust madly.
“Yes! Yes, I feel you now! I feel you!”
“Love me!”
Kayla bit hard at his neck, and Steve yelped. “Like that?!”
Steve thrust hard. “Yes!”
Kayla whimpered in pleasure. She lowered her head and bit at his dagger, and Steve yelped again. “How about now?”
“Oh, f*ck, yeah.”
Kayla bit hard and licked and bit some more, marking him as hers. “Mine! You’re mine, Steve!” Then she sucked at the fierce bruise she’d just created on the meaty muscle beneath the blade emblazoned on his chest, and Steve felt that pain. He wanted it and coveted that she’d taken him, claimed him. “You’ll always be mine!”
“Oh … Kayla … I am! I’m yours. You own my heart, and I won’t live without you. I love you! Please tell me you love me too!”
But she was desperate. Desperate to rid soul of the blight witnessing him with Ava had left there. Kayla wanted to be back on top, and this time he let her. She extended her legs back, pressed her lower body against him, and supported her forearms against Steve’s chest. She felt herself be penetrated so deeply by her husband and tried to stamp out the horrible feelings with each movement around Steve’s penis. “Steve …,” she panted. “Steve …” She kissed him, and her lips were as needy as his were.
Kayla shifted to straddle him again, leaned back, and began rolling herself back and forth over Steve’s cock like she had before. Now her orgasm built very quickly. “Make it better! Make it better! Make me come!”
Steve grabbed his wife’s ass and exploded inside of her. His semen entered her as a tear escaped from him, and he moaned in sad pleasure. While he was pulsing his seed into her, he grabbed her nipples in both hands and squeezed. “Come!” Finally she did, releasing in unfulfilled tremors sending sexual pleasure to her womb but doing nothing for the rest of her. Steve watched her shudder, and it was over quickly.
When Kayla looked down at him, she saw the tear that had fallen down the corner of his right eye, and let one go of her own, silently sliding down her cheek.
“I don’t remember the last time we made love where you didn’t tell me you loved me. I begged you to say it,” he choked up.
Kayla collapsed on top of Steve in a heap and wept. Steve grabbed the ends of the blanket and wrapped them up like he had before. It was too late to avoid having been seen by two couples that hastily made their way past them, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. Now they lay on their sides, embracing each other fiercely, and knew that what they’d just done was not anything they ever wanted to do again. “I do love you, Steve, I love you so much. I—I—I should have said it. I’m so sorry, baby, I’m sorry.”
“That didn’t feel right, Kayla. I was so angry at you. I don’t want to make love to you and feel anger.”
“I felt it, too. It was …”
“Sad.”
Kayla nodded. “Yeah.” She buried her head in Steve’s neck and just let him hold her as she held him back. “That wasn’t making love on the beach, was it?” she asked softly.
“No,” he shook his head. “That was some kind of twisted catharsis.”
She pulled back to look at the welt she’d brandished upon Steve’s chest. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she said as she ran her fingers so gently over it as if she could cure it if she was tender enough. Then she placed the lightest, most loving kisses on it that Steve trembled. “Does it hurt?”
Yes. “No.” Kayla cast her eyes up to him, and he couldn’t deny her the truth. “Yes.” Steve watched as her brow furrowed and fresh tears leaked from her eyes, falling onto the love bite. “But I wanted it to.” He couldn’t explain why he needed the pain, but Kayla understood.
The warm, Hawaiian breeze swept over them as they lay possessively in each other’s arms, obscured by the blanket and darkness of the night, and they took comfort from each other, trying to heal themselves from this emotionally devastating fight. Finally, Kayla closed her eyes to the smell and feel of her husband and thanked God he was with her. Then she began talking.
“I think it started on the plane. When the stewardess was coming on to you.” Steve didn’t say anything, he let her take her time. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but when she gave you her phone number and propositioned you right in front of me, I hated it. It wasn’t jealousy because she was flirting, it was more than that. It was like I was so little of a threat but also completely cast aside. By her.”
“I told her where she could stick her telephone number, Kayla, didn’t I?”
She nuzzled into his chest, and Steve felt relief that she did. “Yes, I know you did.” She ran her warm hand up and down his chest. “But my … invisibility … I started feeling it then. It didn’t last, we walked off the plane, and I was fine, but I think it started digging up feelings.”
Steve rubbed his cheek against the top of her head, and Kayla continued.
“Then when you—when you said—when I realized you’d had sex on the beach before, it all just roared up from a very scary place I didn’t know was inside me, Steve. I—I tried to hide my feelings away, but they were there.”
“I’ve known they were there for a long time.”
She looked up at him. “You did? How?”
“There were times she was mentioned, or even if she wasn’t, I could just see you process something and knew you were fighting something fierce. Something so horrible, Sweetness. I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to help you keep it locked away. So this wouldn’t happen. What just happened.”
“I just knew it had been with Ava.”
“There were other women. It could have been any of them.”
“But I knew it was her. I don’t know how I did, I just did.”
“But what did that have to do with what happened at the compound?”
“I felt like you lied,” she tried to explain to him. “You’d said you’d never made love on the beach, and I understand what you meant now, but … it … it’s like it unlocked what happened with her, and I couldn’t stop the pain.
Steve continued to hold Kayla in silence, placing a light kiss upon her head here and there. “I didn’t want to do it, Kayla. What you saw was the biggest snow job of my life. I only ever wanted you. I love you.”
Kayla nodded. “I love you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.”
“You were punishing me.”
She was about to deny it, but it was the truth, so she accepted the ugliness of it. “Yes,” she cried. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I said those horrible things. I didn’t …”
“You did, Kayla. You meant them. Don’t pretend you didn’t, and I’m not going to pretend I’m not still hurting, because I am.” His voice wavered, and Kayla felt sick. “We have to be honest with each other. I know you meant them. But I also know you’re sorry.”
“I am.” She was crying a little harder now.
Steve nodded. “You meant them because—” Steve swallowed, “—the truth is that I did cheat.” He tipped her chin up to look him in the eye, and they both saw the pain in each other’s souls. “I’m sorry, Kayla.” He said it with every ounce of feeling he had in him. “I’m sorry, too, baby, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?”
Kayla closed her eyes to the utter remorse she heard and felt and practically breathed in from her husband. She burrowed into him so intensely, trying to feel as close to him as she could. “Can you forgive me?” she hiccupped.
Steve held her close and relished the feel of her trying to get so close to him. “We have to forgive each other, baby, we have to. And you have to put her behind you, because we need each other. Do you remember the vows I said to you?”
She nodded her head furiously and felt as much guilt as he did. “You are the love of my life, Steve Johnson. That’s why it hurt so much. Yes, I do remember them, and I feel them every minute.” They looked soulfully at each other. “I was desperate to make the pain go away. How do I get over her?”
The sound of the surf on the shore assailed their ears, and in that moment, Steve knew exactly how he was going to help his wife get over Ava Vitali. And how he was going to get over it, too. Steve rubbed his thumb over Kayla’s lower lip. “You love me. And you never stop.” He dipped his head to kiss her lips and said it again. “You love me, and you trust me.”
Kayla saw that something had begun working through Steve’s head. “I love you and trust you.”
Steve unwrapped them, stood up in the very late night breeze where the coastline was deserted but for them. He shook out the two towels, handed one to Kayla, and they both wrapped up. Then he gathered up a handful of cone shells that were native and plentiful to this beach and placed half of them in Kayla’s hand, took her by the other, and led her to the water.
“We have to get past this, Kayla. I feel – I feel awful inside, that fight … it opened up something in me, and I want it gone. The anger. Being angry at you eats at my heart, Sweetness. I can’t take it. I know you’re angry, too. And I want her gone from inside your soul. We’re going to cast these things out of us. You see these shells?” Kayla nodded, the idea already taking root within her. Each one represents what doesn’t belong inside of us. Each shell IS what doesn’t belong, baby. Pick it up. See it. Feel it in your hand. And cast it away. Forever.”
Kayla had a handful of shells, she didn’t count them, and she didn’t have to. Once Steve put it out there, it was like her hand was burning with the blackness that her soul had instantly purged into the shells within it.
“You go first, baby. Go on. Throw it as far as you can.”
Kayla swayed back and forth, adrenaline racing through her veins. She picked up a shell, and it felt like a foreign interloper. She saw Ava’s smug face laying in the bed naked that Steve had just emerged from, and it felt like her hand was on fire.
“Throw it!”
“Aaaaargh!!” Kayla hurled the shell as far as she could physically throw. She let the effort escape from her in a grunt, and she watched as it disappeared into the sea while the water lapped at her ankles. She was breathing heavily, and she couldn’t wait to do it again.
“That’s my girl,” Steve said. She gave him a small smile as she continued to sway with anticipation, waiting for him to cast his first shell.
Steve picked one up and held it tightly in his right fist. He chose to verbalize his cast-off. “I don’t say Ava’s name, because I can see how much it hurts you to hear it, not because it makes me feel anything for her!” Then he silently hurled his shell in after his wife’s. It went much farther, and he lost sight of it before it disappeared into the depths.
“Steve, I’m—”
“No. Just cast them away first.”
Kayla nodded. “Ok.” She took her next one and an image of Steve’s face as he kissed Ava – the face that looked contented with sexual anticipation – sprung into her view. She squeezed her eyes shut, let out a strangled cry at the utter devastation that look on his face had wrought, and then threw the offending shell. Steve watched her and knew that one was about him. Kayla saw him looking at her and gave him a sad smile. “You now. Go.”
Steve white-knuckled the next shell and yelled this one to her at the top of his lungs. “The only woman I think of making love to is you! My memories of Nick Stockton having sex with Ava are like they belong to someone else. I never want to hear that bullshit ever again!” When he threw that shell, he let an expletive fly with it. When it was gone, Steve’s nostril’s flared with the release of the rage. He looked to his wife, waiting for her to go again.
Images of Steve on a beach with Ava, his naked body covering hers as it had sex with her breathed cold, furious life into this shell. “I HATE HER!” Kayla cried as she launched it into its new home in the ocean. Kayla didn’t cry, and Steve was proud of her. He could feel the tension drain with every toss of their shells.
Steve had no idea when he hurled his next shell that this was going to come out of his mouth, and when it did, he shocked even himself. “I hate that Shane has f*cked you!” Kayla snapped her head toward him, in utter shock that he said such bitter words, but Steve had more in him. “I hate that he’s seen your face when you come! THAT’S A FACE ONLY FOR ME!” and he hurled another shell with the force of his rage. “I hate that you kept it from me and that the whole family knew but me!” He cast that one away, too. “And I hate how I treated you and the things I said to you when I found out! I let you jump without telling you I loved you!” He fell to his knees after casting that away, and he wept.
Kayla wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss his pain away, but she knew she had to finish purging herself of what was left within her. Still, she put her hand on his shoulder, and he reached up to place his on top of it in acknowledgment. Kayla had only three shells left. The one she cast off next was infused with the anger that Joey had come early. She assigned most of that blame to Ava for inflicting the stress on she and Steve, but she assigned a small amount of it to Steve, himself, for contributing to it with his deceit. When she cast off her shell, she was left only with the knowledge that Steve’s actions, wrong as they were, were driven from his heart; the anger left with the shell.
Steve watched Kayla finger the delicate anchor dangling around her neck, and he wanted to smile. But he had one more thing to purge. “I’m nothing if you don’t believe in me, Kayla. I’m worth nothing if I don’t have your trust. Here,” he pounded his heart with the fist holding his last shell. “Don’t take that away from me. Don’t you dare take it away.” He was still on his knees. Kayla joined him.
“You have it. I believe in you.”
Steve nodded. Then he threw the shell into the sea, his energy sapped.
The water rushed up over Kayla’s knees soaking the bottom of her towel. She had just one more thing to cast away. Minutes ago, Steve begged her to tell him she loved him while they made love. The sex was angry, unfulfilling, and for all the wrong reasons. “I didn’t tell you I loved you when we made love over there. But I do love you. I never want you to feel what I saw in your eyes again. I never want to put that kind of pain inside of you again. I hate that I did that to you. That I could be so cruel.”
That hit Steve in the gut. She stood up to throw the shell, and he stood up after her, but he grabbed her hand mid throw and wouldn’t let her toss it. “No, Sweetness. Don’t feel that way. I knew you loved me, I overreacted. You could never be cruel.”
Kayla removed her fist from Steve’s grip. “You let me cast this out.” Steve lowered his arm. Then she threw the tiny, brown and white, striated cone shell as far as she could. She watched it disappear into the black of the night as the Pacific ocean swallowed it up, then she threw herself into Steve’s arms. He caught her, and they both felt like a weight had been lifted from them that they didn’t even know had been there. She kissed him with so much love and tenderness, and she could feel that same lightness in his kiss, as well.
“Here, this one is for you.” Kayla put the last of her shells into Steve’s palm and closed his fingers around it. “This shell is my heart. It belongs to you. I already have yours around my neck,” she said fingering the anchor again. “I’m your anchor, and you’re mine.”
“Sweetness!” The love pouring out of him threatened to overtake the sky. They’d cast out the deepest, darkest pieces of their souls. He didn’t know if the memories of the things that happened to create those blights would ever come back, but he did know that if they did that the darkness would not threaten to swallow them whole. Steve picked up his wife and cradled her in his arms. He kissed her, and his heart soared.
He carried Kayla back to the blanket, took their towels off of them, and wrapped them back up in the blanket. “Make love to me on the beach, Steve. I want my husband to make love to me on the beach.”
“I want my wife to make love to me back. With the sand beneath her and the stars watching as she shows me how much she loves me.”
“I will,” Kayla promised. “I will, baby, I will!” This time when Kayla gathered the muscle of Steve’s chest in her teeth, it was gentle, erotic, and made him feel her love for him. Steve suckled on Kayla’s neck right where it met her shoulder, letting his tongue lathe her.
“You love me,” Steve whispered.
“Yes, I do,” she sighed as she arched her back. “I love you.” Kayla rubbed her hand up and down Steve’s chest. “I love you, Steve. I love you so much.” Her hand drifted to stroke Steve’s buttocks, urging him to enter her.
“Oh, Sweetness. I love you, too.” Then Steve parted her legs with his thigh, licked her nipple and thrilled at the instant gratification of feeling it peak between his lips, and entered her gently, hardening even further when she gasped at how he filled her. “You’re the love of my life.”
Kayla whimpered as he began moving inside of her. Her sweet lips found his, and they kissed slowly, dreamily while they made love with tender, loving strokes. There was no anger or resentment. There was no desperation. Kayla smiled, and Steve’s heart jumped at how beautiful she was. He was inside of her, and she was beautiful. They continued to move as one, joined together as their intimate strokes bonded them fierce and true. Kayla kissed the hickey she’d given him and told him, with her lips and tongue bathing the sensitive bruise, that he was hers forever.
Steve thrust a little harder but knew he wasn’t going to make her come unless he was able to make contact with her tight bundle of nerves. He wanted to set them on fire, so he moved her leg until he found the right angle, and she rewarded him with a loud cry of ecstasy when his penis finally began rubbing against her swollen clitoris. “Come for me Kayla. I’m so close. I want it—together—I—Oh baby—Uhhh—please!” Kayla felt her climax quicken. She wanted it so badly that it took almost no time. She reached for it as Steve held back, waiting for her. “Come on, baby!”
“Uh … Steve!” And just before she let the orgasm take her, she used all the strength she had to hold her husband’s face in her hands. “I love you!”
Steve moaned hotly with the most intense release of his cum. It shot out of him, and Kayla could feel the warm fluid for just a moment before she, too, convulsed hard in his arms. She let out unmistakable sounds of sexual pleasure, and rode the waves as they settled over her. She held on to Steve, and he held her back.
They didn’t say anything to each other for several minutes while their dull ache of release travelled to the places inside of them that would make them sleepy and tender. They cuddled and stroked each other lovingly, and Steve never wanted the feel of his wife’s naked body against his to end.
“That was wonderful,” Kayla said.”
“It was.” Steve ran the back of his hand down Kayla’s cheek. “It was wonderful.”
“So … you’ve peeled me a grape, and we’ve made love on the beach.”
Steve chuckled. Then he tucked a curl away behind Kayla’s ear and looked at her solemnly. “Is she gone? Are you … can we …”
“Yes. I didn’t delete the memories, but the anger … I’ve let it go.”
“Me, too.” Then Steve picked up the shell Kayla had given to him like it was her troth. “I wish I could add this to my stash.”
“Your stash? Of what?”
Steve meant his precious things that were hidden in another timeline in the floorboards of his bedroom at the Brady’s house. He would tell her about it one day, but not today. It hurt too much to know that his beautiful photo of them, his harmonica, the book of Gaelic poems, and the record from Bo would never be seen again. And he didn’t want to feel any pain right now.
“Of memories I can’t take with me, baby. Photos, your wedding dress. God, I want to see you in it again. Now this very beautiful and meaningful shell. I wish I could add it to the stash of things we keep leaving behind that mean something to us. I want to take it with me so badly, Sweetness. I hate leaving the important things behind.”
Kayla kissed Steve’s forehead. “Remember them. I will, too.”
They laid spooned with each other tenderly for a good while longer, not a soul having passed by them since before they’d cast their shells into the sea, the hour now being well past midnight. Steve’s arms embraced her tightly with one arm around her breasts and his other palm flat against her belly. Finally, they put their swimsuits back on, walked back up into the resort, and collapsed into bed.
Just before they fell into a heavy sleep that they’d certainly earned, Kayla blurted, “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”
Steve grinned, recognizing that she was filling her mouth with his lines. “Yes,” he said sleepily. “But you can tell me again.”
“You’re beautiful.”
The last words on both of their lips before they fell asleep were “I love you.”