Steve’s head was swimming. He just didn’t remember the events of his time on this mission as well as other events in his past and, therefore, wasn’t sure exactly how this went the first time. Was this where he found Shane or was this when he found the secret room? It was a miracle he remembered where she was at all.
Kayla, on the other hand, had gone from hysterics to very focused and knew exactly what was coming. She could feel the anxiety radiating through Steve as he held her tightly to him, and she knew she had to take charge of this one.
“Steve,” she said, wiping the tears from her face. “They’re going to find you. Remember last time, you found the cave, and then I watched them tie you up? Do you remember? You made me go back to Salem and get the ISA.”
“I remember,” he replied, looking around. “Kind of.”
“Kind of?” The van was driving at a slow rate of speed now, and Steve knew it wasn’t going to be a long trip.
“I remember, Kayla, it’s just … fuzzy. I remember you snuck here from the Emergency Center, we found the electronics, and then we got into trouble when the van stopped. Is that when they tied me up?
“Yes. It took me all night to walk back to Salem, I was a mess.”
“What? You never told me that!”
Steve was still holding her tightly to his chest, and Kayla held on just as tightly. She couldn’t see his face any longer, but knowing it was there, she wanted so badly to see it. “I guess there wasn’t any point. By the time I finally found you everything was a mess and then the cave blew up, and you went to Washington right after that.”
Steve didn’t say anything, but Kayla could feel him tense up. It was the mention of that DC trip. It was at the airport on the way to DC that everything started to unravel, when Marina had made her presence known. He hated this time in his life and wished it had stayed buried when all his other memories came back to him. Nothing would be the same after Marina’s intrusion into their lives, and he couldn’t help but add this to the list of things his mind was reeling from now. This face, the goons, almost losing Kayla after Marina’s return, and most of all, the fact that they jumped apart. It was getting to him.
“God, Kayla, what happened on this jump? I thought the worst when I realized you weren’t with me.”
“Me, too,” she said reaching for his hand and closing her eyes to the feel of him under her cheek.
Steve sighed deeply. “Right now we just have to get out of here and think about the jump later.”
Kayla couldn’t help it, she was still feeling the panic from her solo arrival. “We have to stay together, though. If you get tied up, we’re going to be separated for days.”
“Baby, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
“Promise me, Steve. I forget how long it took, but it seemed like forever before I got back here. Then they put me in the cave, and you got me out.”
“Yeah, that I remember, Shane got me in there.”
“… right …”
“They had him holed up in a trailer somewhere, baby. He was in bad shape,” he remembered. It was like a movie you haven’t seen in a long time; he had the plot down, but the details were a blur. “Have I found him yet?”
Kayla wanted off the subject of Shane. “It doesn’t matter, we have to get out of here before they tie you up. We can’t let them separate us.”
Just then the van slowed as they’d arrived at the secret cave that was built into the side of the mountain. Steve was torn. The point of this mission was to save Marcus. Which he did, because he and Shane had exposed the drug ring, so the threat from what Marcus saw as a boy in Cleaver was eliminated. If he ran away now, that wasn’t going to happen, and he was sure they’d find Marcus and kill him. So part of him felt a duty to stay. But the fact that they’d jumped apart was bad, and he was more worried about that than anything else. He knew they had to run, find somewhere safe to stay, and try to figure out what to do before they jumped again. Besides, nothing they did here was going to matter, anyway, as it would reset the minute they jumped.
So, why was he feeling so conflicted?
The van stopped, and the two guards, got out with a slam of the front doors.
“They’re coming,” Kayla squeaked
“– Shh!” He covered them both with the tarp and waited for the doors to open. After a few moments when no one opened the doors, they came back out.
Steve went for the door handle. “Stay here.”
“No wait!” She was not about to let him check things out by himself.
Steve cracked open the door and saw that Kayla’s beautiful face meant business. He looked back at her with serious resolve of his own and repeated sternly, “Stay. Here.” Then he opened the door and hopped out. Steve slowly peered around to the front of the van to see one of the guards being let into the secret cave and suddenly remembered that the other guard was lurking nearby. In that moment, he felt an overwhelming sense of purpose and knew they weren’t going to get another chance to get out of there. “Alright, let’s go,” he whispered as he helped her out of the van. Then without another word, Steve grabbed Kayla tightly by the hand and, to her utter relief, started off through the woods toward the main road.
Kayla’s adrenalin was pumping, and her legs just wanted to run. She didn’t care where. And for about 30 minutes, that’s exactly what they did, sticking to the thickets of the forest to avoid detection. Unfortunately, Kayla’s shoes were not made for walking, and this slowed them down. Still, she held her own as they ducked under branches, climbed over logs, and sprinted the short distances through clearings. They ran in relative silence, neither of them knowing exactly where they were going but simply headed away from the Retreat grounds. Steve asked her if she was doing ok every now and then, to which she always assured him that she was; Kayla stole several glances at Steve’s face, which he pretended not to notice even as it made his heart race.
After walking for about an hour with no sign of any pursuers, Steve felt like it was safe enough to take a break. “Sweetness, we need to rest, come here, let’s sit.”
He pulled her down to the ground with him as they leaned against a small outcropping of rock. They were breathing hard and sweating in the hot summer weather, and she was so grateful for the break. Kayla turned to look at him, but he turned her away so that he could hold her as she leaned back against him. She leaned her head back onto his shoulder and closed her eyes in sadness. He didn’t want her to see him, and she didn’t know why. She reached her hand up behind her to touch his cheek, and he grabbed it, bringing her fingertips to his lips to kiss them.
“Steve—“
“Baby, we’ve got to find somewhere to get some water or we’re gonna pass out here.”
She sat back up and turned to face him. Steve immediately looked toward the ground. Very gently, she took his face in both of her hands and slowly leaned it up to face her. When he finally looked her in the eye, she saw apprehension there. But she looked so intently upon his ruggedly sculpted features shining in the moonlight. She’d only seen this face for such a brief time back then, and she was fascinated as she took him in. He looked so different. “But still my husband,” she said, finishing the thought out loud.
“Kayla, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” he snapped at her.
Kayla pulled back her hands as if he’d just slapped them away and raised her hurt-filled eyes to him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. You just look –“
“I know how I look,” he said, his agitation building.
“—beautiful,” she whispered. “You look beautiful.”
Steve felt lost as he looked at her with melancholy. He didn’t like this time they’d jumped to and wanted to get out of it. The whole mission he remembered only through a haze, this face his wife didn’t know, and the fact that they jumped here apart had him in a bad way. Now he was snapping at her for no reason, and it made him feel worse.
“I’m sorry, Sweetness,” he said in a softer tone. “I don’t know why I did that. This jump is getting to me.”
Kayla took his hand and kissed the corner of his new eye. “All you need to know is that I love you, Steve. In any face, I love you.”
“You’ll get the old one back soon enough,” he said with contempt.
Kayla didn’t know this face as well, but she knew what she saw in her husband’s eye, and it gave her cause for alarm. Why did he sound like this? She wasn’t sure if he meant because of the events that re-damaged it or because they would eventually jump. “I don’t care what face you have. It doesn’t matter,” she said, the worry beginning to reach her eyes.
Steve nodded. “I know, baby. I know you’ll take me no matter which face you get. This jump just threw me is all. I’m – I’m not myself.” Why aren’t I myself? Why am I acting this way?
Steve reached his hand up to feel where his patch used to be and chuckled. “Didn’t we just talk about being ready for whatever bodies we get? Guess I didn’t take my own advice very well. It’s …” he turned his face away “… hard to adjust.”
Kayla palmed his cheek, and he turned into her, placing a kiss there.
“I really love you,” he whispered, trying to shake it off.
“I love you, too.”
They rested there for a few minutes, and Kayla took off her pumps and rubbed her feet. “Do you think we’re far enough?” she asked.
“Yeah, I think we’re safe now. But I left a mess back at that camp, Faith is waiting for me to come back from a scouting mission of some kind. She’s gonna think I abandoned her.” After a beat Steve realized the irony. “I did abandon her, and Marcus, too. Plus Shane needs saving out there.”
Kayla quickly changed the subject. “Steve, we’ve never had a jump like this. Separated. We were even holding hands when it happened. Why do you think we didn’t jump together?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I was completely caught off guard, here, Kayla. I almost blew it out there, I had no idea where I was. And worse, when I finally realized I was at the Retreat, I couldn’t think of where you were. How am I supposed to find you if I we get separated again?”
Kayla started to rock back and forth, something she only did when she was exceedingly worried. Steve could see the gears turning in her head.
“I think we need to go over our, I don’t know, our lives, maybe,” she said. “Where we are in which years.”
“What? Kayla, how are we supposed to do that?”
“I think we have to. How will we find each other if this happens again?”
Steve plowed his hand through is hair and rubbed his left eyebrow. That’s when he noticed the path. It wasn’t obvious, but it was there not five feet from where they were sitting. A discarded PowerBar wrapper glinted in the moonlight, telling him that this was a path people used recently, maybe for hikers.
“Sweetness, I think we’ve found our way to water.” He pointed out the path and got them both up.
By now Kayla was never going to get her swollen feet back into the pumps and followed barefoot behind Steve down the worn path. Soon they came to what could only be described as something out of the 1800’s. Ten or so little log cabins, each one complete with barrels and water pumps.
“What’s all this?” Steve asked.
Kayla knew exactly what this was. “It’s the Pioneer Village!”
“The what, now?”
“The Pioneer Village,” she repeated with excited, wide eyes as she grinned like the schoolgirl she was last she saw this place. “We used to take a field trip here every year in grammar school. It’s a real working village with candle-making and weaving, and you can buy candy bars in the gift shop, so we can eat something! I had no idea this is where it was!”
There was something about candle-making and weaving and candy bars in a gift shop that struck Steve funny, and he let out peals of laughter that he just couldn’t help.
“What’s so funny?” she asked with relief as she watched her husband’s new old face light up.
“I get a vision of you in a prairie dress dipping candles and eating a Snickers, baby. It’s cute.”
“Oh, you like that vision, do ya?” she said as she crossed her arms in mock offense. “I’m cute?”
Steve took his wife in his arms and looked her in the eye as he continued to laugh. She looked angelic in the moonlight. Innocent in her smile. He took a mental picture of her and filed it away. “Yeah,” he replied meaningfully. “You’re very cute.”
Kayla wrapped her arms around his neck, leaned her head up toward his, and kissed him deeply. He accepted her kiss gratefully and held her. Then Kayla pulled away gently and refocused. “We can definitely get water down there,” she said sounding eager but all grown up again, “those pumps really work. Come on.”
“Wait,” he grabbed her arm, “is anyone down there?”
“Not at night, they don’t actually live here. It’s just a day thing. I think.”
He looked over his shoulder and just prayed no one had caught up with them. “Ok, lead the way, Sweetness.”
They tried four of the cabins before they got lucky with an unlocked window. Steve admired the craftsmanship of its old style as Kayla climbed through it. Then he felt uneasy again when she disappeared inside the cabin to open the door for him.
“Thank god, this one has a bathroom,” she greeted him, “I’ve had to pee since before we got off that van.”
“Since when do pioneers have bathrooms?” he jibed. Kayla laughed. He always knew how to make everyone laugh.
When she was done, Steve took his turn, then they went out to the well and filled a couple bowls up with water. This must have been one of the homestead cabins, as it had all the amenities of a one-room house, 20th century bathroom, notwithstanding. After she drank the water, Kayla found a towel and began washing the dirt path off her feet.
“Here, hand that over, Sweetness,” Steve said as she gave him the towel. He then moved her chair so it was facing the bed. He sat down opposite her and pushed her black pants up before he took over with her feet, rinsing the dirt off of them. He knew she wanted to look at his face, and he thought letting her do that might help him get over the shock of himself, too, and shake him out of this unsettled mood.
And that’s exactly what she did. She couldn’t take her eyes off her husband. The memories of that time came back to her … seeing him for the first time as a homeless man, the shock of seeing this person who looked nothing like Steve but who most certainly was, feeling her hand in his for the first time in days when she gave him Emily and Gideon’s bible, kissing him though the fence that first time she’d snuck up to the retreat to see him. She loved him so much. That love smoldered through her eyes, sending a thrill through Steve as he watched her watching him while he soothed her feet. It was an intimate act that made them feel so close to each other on this unstable, bizarre jump.
“Mmm, this feels good. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Sweetness.”
When he was done he kept her feet in his lap and caressed the tops of them gently. But his unease continued; nothing here felt right. It wasn’t just this face that didn’t seem to belong in his life with Kayla, it was what that face reminded him of. He’d left people behind back there where he was undercover as Daniel Lucas. There was no question that he had to run when they did, but was he supposed to just not follow through with any of it? And what if they get separated again? All this went through his head with tremendous uncertainty as to what they were supposed to do next. He pushed it away and decided somewhere that if he kept busy it would go away.
“You’re right, Kayla. We have to talk about where we …” he didn’t know what to call it. “Where we’ve been. Where we’ve lived.” Now he had worked his way up from her feet and was rubbing her ankle, working toward her leg. “We got lucky this time. But we need to know how to find each other.”
“You found me, Steve.”
“You came to me, Sweetness. But next time we might not get so lucky.”
Steve’s ministrations on her leg felt so good, she could fall asleep right here. “Where do we begin?” she asked sleepily, still gazing at him.
“Well,” he sighed, “I met you in 1986,” he said. Maybe we should start there.”
Then Kayla had a thought that made her heart skip a beat. “What … what if we jump somewhere before that? Before we knew each other?”
This was daunting. He didn’t know how they were going to get through it all before they invariably jumped again, but he knew they had to try.
“Baby, we’ve got to start somewhere, so let’s just start with us as an us, then worry about before that after.” The amount of crazy in that statement wasn’t lost on either of them, and they took a moment to allow themselves to laugh. “Ok, Sweetness, well, we both know that the first time I saw you I was in your closet in Cleveland. You were working for the doctor that stole Kim’s baby.”
“Right. You lived under Shenanigans.”
“And I worked at the docks with your brother.”
“Ok, so then what? I moved to Salem, right? I was in the loft for a long time.”
“Yeah, but, you lived at the Deveraux estate for some of that. We have to get detailed, take mental notes.”
The prospect of doing this seemed so impossible that Kayla couldn’t do it right now. She looked over at her clearly drained husband and decided that he couldn’t either. She swung her legs down to the floor and sat at the edge of the bed. “When was the last time you slept?”
Steve really was mentally exhausted, he couldn’t remember when the last time he slept was. “But, Kayla, we have to go over this stuff.”
“Ok, we will. After you sleep.”
“Will they find us here in the morning?”
“I’ll stay awake and make sure to wake you before that happens.”
“Sweetness, no, what if we jump?”
“So, what, we’re supposed to live like insomniacs now? We’re human, we have to sleep. I’ve done that twice. Now, come on, you took care of me, now let me take care of you. Sleep.” She stood up then pulled him up and pushed on his rear till he landed on the bed face first.
“Ooh, baby, I like it when you get pushy, now.”
Kayla laughed. Never too tired to flirt with her. “Yeah, well, let’s build up that stamina first.”
Steve pulled her down on top of him. “Lay with me while I sleep,” he said. And as he looked into her beautiful eyes, his worry and uneasiness about this entire jump returned stronger than he’d ever felt it. His heart started to pound, and his expression became fraught in a blink as he gripped her.
Kayla saw that something had suddenly changed. Something was definitely wrong. And although they were being playful just a moment ago, she knew that look. She’d seen it only one other time.
“Steve? Do you remember when we conceived Stephanie?” Steve couldn’t remember each individual time they made love, but that’s a night he definitely remembered. They’d just gotten back from Reverend Taylor’s funeral, and he was out of his mind with worry that Marina was alive and going to ruin his marriage – that Kayla would leave him. He couldn’t tell her the truth when she asked him what was wrong. All he could do to share himself with his wife that night was to make love to her like a thirsty man in a desert. With possession and gratitude and fear and devotion and all the love he had for her for the terror that she might leave him.
“I remember,” he said softly.
“The look on your face when you made love to me that night is the same look you’re giving me right now.”
Marina is coming.
Steve shot up off the bed; as the words ran through his head he started to pace. Kayla watched him do this with renewed alarm.
Steve didn’t look away this time. He turned toward his wife and let his nervous eye bore a hole through her. If they stayed on this jump long enough, Marina was going to show up, and that was one of the last places he wanted to go again. There was no time in their lives that Steve hated more than the time the not-so-dead first wife that he’d hidden from Kayla had come back to cause them the worst kind of problems. He and Kayla weren’t going to have a moment to just enjoy each other with this new face of his before that whole mess came to their doorstep. This wasn’t a face that came with good things for his wife. And as he remembered that horrible fear he’d lived with for weeks back then that he was going to lose Kayla, he realized that it was the same fear he was feeling right now that he’d lose her on one of these jumps. And that’s what caused the look Kayla saw on his face.
All this went through Steve’s mind in a single moment as he looked at her with this building storm behind his eyes.
“Steve, what’s wrong?!” She stood up and went to her husband. Kayla was truly worried now.”
The intensity of his gaze turned frantic as she approached him. He had to keep her with him, hold on to her. He had to be with her, touch her, surround her. Like he did that night they conceived Stephanie. It wasn’t sexual so much as it was desperate. He loved her, he wanted her, he was terrified of ending up on another jump without her and losing track of her. What about when you were a soldier? And her losing track of him. He grabbed his wife and clutched her tightly to him as a strangled sound escaped his throat.
“What is it?” she asked from his grip. “Please tell me, Steve, you’re scaring me!”
“Where were you before when I was begging you to talk to me?” He remembered her words on the front porch of their home that warm September night like hot lashes burning his skin.
“Kayla, I – I don’t want to lie to you.”
“Lie to me?” she asked incredulously. She didn’t like where this was going at all. “About what?” Steve had a hard time saying the woman’s name. “Tell me, Steve, please.” Tears started to pool in her eyes.
“Marina.”
“Marina?” Kayla bristled as she squirmed out of his grasp. Seeing her reaction only intensified what Steve was already feeling. “What’s she got to do with any of this?”
Steve took her hands back in his. He had to be touching her. “If we stay here long enough, we’re going to run into her, Kayla, it’s only a matter of days now.” Steve’s fear started to mix with rage.” Remember when I went to DC for this debrief on that Colonel Whatshisname? It all started in the airport. That’s where she showed up and started her shit. Don’t you see, baby? We don’t have much time before she comes back to ruin our lives,” he yelled. Kayla was silent for a moment while she tried to dial down her stress. “Baby, it’s comin’ back to me, I’m relivin’ it, here!” He put his hand up to where his patch used to be.
“No,” Kayla cut him off. “Don’t do this to us, to yourself. We’re not going to be here long enough to really see her. We’ve already done this once, so we know what to do about her, now. Right now, here, we just have to worry about staying together in this.”
“This face didn’t do right by you, Kayla.” There, he said it.
Kayla finally understood. “That was a long time ago,” she said quietly. She didn’t say it wasn’t true, because it was. But she’d forgiven him years ago and didn’t want to revisit this. “We can do things differently this time if we’re really still here by then.” Stephanie, she thought as a chill ran down her spine. We have to make sure we make Stephanie.
“I’m afraid,” Steve said. There was no point in hiding it.
“I am, too,” she said softly. Kayla kissed Steve’s left eye, then his cheek tenderly. Then she joined her lips with his and tried to replace the pain he was feeling with her love for him.
As he returned her kiss, his need for her doubled. He walked them over to the bed without breaking away from her lips. He lowered her down on her back, and crawled on top of her.
“I need you, Kayla,” he said as he wrapped his leg around her like he did that night. “I need to feel you in my arms. I need to be in yours.”
As he kissed her hungrily, she reveled in the feel of him surrounding her. He pulled back from their kiss, and Kayla watched him rake not one eye but two over her like he wanted to possess her. And that’s exactly what she wanted, too.
Steve’s penis had hardened to steel beneath his pants. Kayla felt it rigid against her leg and began rubbing against it gently. Steve responded by centering himself above her and grinding against his wife’s sensitive folds while still embracing her entire body in his arms and legs. He was insane with his need for her, to hold on to her, too afraid to let her go or to stop. “I need to hear you come, Kayla. Baby … I need you to hear me scream your name.”
Steve rocked back and forth on her with measured strokes that found their mark on her swollen clitoris even though the thin layer of her pants. As he fought his fears that she’d leave him, Kayla longed to feel his naked length inside of her. She needed him now just as much as he needed her. “Steve!” she whimpered loudly, “I love you.” Steve responded by capturing her mouth in a tongue-filled kiss that only threw more fuel on the fire.
Kayla was close to the edge. It wasn’t only what his hardness was doing to her, it was also the look on his face as he watched her build in her ecstasy. “That time you made love to me with this look on your face,” she gasped as she reached up to touch him, “was one of the last times you made love to me with this beautiful face.” She could feel her orgasm just out of reach, but so close.
“That night, baby,” he replied still grinding against her, “I thought you were going to leave me.” He wanted to be inside her, but he couldn’t stop rocking his cock against her core long enough to get their clothes off. He let one hand go of her long enough to reach down to feel her wetness through her pants, and it sent him into a frenzy.
“Never, Steve! I’ll never leave you.” She groaned at the edge of release. “Don’t stop, Steve. Please don’t stop!”
“Tell this face what you want, baby. Tell me.”
Kayla moaned. “I want you inside me!”
It was too late, he was moments from exploding. “I can’t … I’m almost—“
“Then I want you to feel you harder,” she whispered. And yell my name. I’m, oh … I’m … say my name.”
“Look at me, Kayla. This face is only for you, Sweetness – I’m coming!” He never looked away from her as he moaned her name loudly over and over while his orgasm released. “Kayla! Sweetness … Kayla!” He loved her so much, and even as he felt so good in his release, guilt washed over him; he wished he’d been inside her.
When the last of the white streams hindered by the shield of his clothing subsided, Kayla stopped bucking against him. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off of her. “Your turn.”
It only took three hard thrusts across her sensitive core to put her over the edge. “Please say my name, Kayla. Please tell me you love me,” his voice broke.
“I do, Steve, oh … Steve, I do love you. Are you watching?
“I’m watching, Sweetness.”
Good, she panted as he saw the waves of pleasure wash over his wife. She’d wanted to feel his rock hard erection slide in and out of her; it had been so long. She threw her head back on the bed with the power of her orgasm, then looked right at him and said, “You’re mine, Steven Earl Johnson.” She shuddered in his arms. “Your face, any … face … is the face I Iove … forever.”
He held her tightly until her body had stopped trembling, never once looking away from her.
It was the first time they’d had any sort of sexual release since these jumps had begun. He knew what came over him and felt guilty about it. He just had to have her and couldn’t stop long enough to truly make love to her. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what, baby?” she asked softly.
“For being selfish. For taking you this way. Roughly, quickly.”
Kayla put a finger to his lips and shook her head. “No,” she said.
“I think it was talking about that night we made love at home, when we conceived Stephanie. I remember it so well, Kayla. I remember so little about where we are on this jump on this assignment, but I remember everything about that horrible time right after. We didn’t have any time to be together this way, because I almost ruined us.” He was still on top of her, holding her tightly. “Making love to you that night was the desperate act of a man trying to hold on. I thought I was going to lose you. I felt the same way tonight,” he said with guilt in his voice. “Like I might lose you on one of these jumps, and I had to … have you. I should have made love to you properly, Kayla.”
“Steve,” she whispered and caressed his face with the pads of her thumbs. She looked up at him with such gentle, blue eyes.
“But, you were so beautiful, having an orgasm in my arms.” Thank you for giving that to me tonight. And thank you for giving me my beautiful daughter all those years ago. I take, and you just love me so much that you keep giving.”
“We gave her to each other, Steve. And we gave tonight to each other, too.” Steve finally took his eyes off his wife as he closed them and nodded. “Baby, please sleep now, ok?” She fought not to cry. He wouldn’t sleep if she cried. “Can you do that for me?” she asked.
“Next time we’ll really make love.”
Kayla was hurting for her husband. He was so distraught. She just wanted him to sleep this nightmare away. “Please, Steve, my love. Please sleep.”
“Will we be here in the morning?” he asked as he finally rolled off of her onto his side, embracing her in front of him in their favorite position.
“Yes, we will.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do,” she lied.
“How do you know?” he asked again, as the last tendrils of wakefulness unraveled their hold on him.
“Because,” she cried, “in my darkest hour, and in my coldest silence, I looked for you … and you were there. You’re always there. You always will be.”
“Don’t leave me, Sweetness.” It was the last thing he said before sleep finally took him. “Never,” she promised. Then she fell asleep in his arms, praying that they’d be there together when they woke up.