Steve hoped to God he was dreaming again. Unfortunately, this felt very real. He was half-naked face to face with a woman he hated so much that the sight of her called up the worst kind of demons. His head was swimming. When was this? Was he married to her? Could he possibly have jumped that far back to his early 20’s?
“I’m Fine now,” were the first words out of anyone’s mouth, and the mouth belonged to Marina.
His hand flew up to his face to find two eyes. He quickly discerned from his vision that he was only seeing out of one of them, however. He was married to Kayla. Thank you, God, I’m married to Kayla. Where am I? Steve’s head jerked from side to side as he tried to assess his surroundings. Italy. I’m in Italy getting that damned key. He suddenly felt his hands on her shoulders and let go abruptly. He felt sick.
“I’m fine now,” Marina repeated.
Oh God, get me out of here. I’ve gotta go home!
Marina reacted to what she saw in Steve’s eyes. She was working her next manipulation, and he could literally see it unfold. “Steven,” she cooed with slight reservation based on the look in his eyes. “I knew you’d come eventually.” She went to touch his face, but Steve caught her wrist firmly, and held it between them. “Don’t you touch me,” he warned in a firm whisper. “Don’t.” It would be so easy to snap her wrist like he’d recently dreamed. He’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t cross his mind. That’s how much he hated this woman. For what she’d put them through. For making him miss precious time with Kayla while she was pregnant and living apart from him. For tormenting Kayla so callously and maliciously. For playing him like a fool from the day she met him until the time she really died. He hated her. There was no one on this earth he hated more other than maybe his father.
That’s when Marina saw Kayla and Jack standing directly opposite her in the doorway having overheard every word. They’d approached so silently that neither she nor Steve had heard them. Now that Steve’s back was to them and Marina had the upper hand, she would make sure she twisted the knife into Kayla’s heart as far and as hard as she could. She unbuttoned the bodice of her nightgown and moved her face close to Steve’s.
“I’m leaving,” he said low under his breath and went to get up.
Not about to let that happen, Marina grabbed at him desperately. “No, don’t talk, just kiss me!” Her voice was sultry and seductive, and Kayla stood heartbroken watching it all. Like the first time around. Steve was oblivious to his wife witnessing this event. “Put your hands on me again and kiss me, Steven!”
Marina moved in to take his mouth with hers, and Steve jerked back so violently that he fell off the bed. Repulsed, he looked up at her and put up a warning hand.
“Marina!” he shouted. She looked upon him sexily, but Marina’s eyes betrayed her as they glanced up and away from him toward the door, a look of satisfaction on her face. “What are you—“ Steve stopped short and he followed her gaze to the doorway … When he saw her standing there his blood ran cold. Oh God, Sweetness. That’s what drove the final wedge between them back then. He’d been taken in by Marina’s ruse. Her pretend bad dream to lure him in and separate him from Kayla.
Steve knew she would be there when he very slowly turned his head. He also knew without a doubt that this was not going to be his Kayla, but the one of this destination. What he wasn’t prepared for was how haggard she looked. He wasn’t prepared for the paleness of her skin and strain lining her face. He wasn’t prepared for the devastation in her eyes. Kayla was shattered. She was positively shattered. And he died a little right there on the floor of that god-forsaken hotel in Italy watching it.
Kayla silently locked eyes with him. Jack was looking upon him with concern and shock, but all Steve could do was look at Kayla while he lay frozen on the floor. He was paralyzed. This was the very nightmare that plagued him.
“Ka-Kayla.” His voice was choked with emotion. Finally he found his legs and got up. “Sweetness?”
Kayla’s face had been a mask until he called her Sweetness. Her eyes flickered ever so slightly, silently revoking the honor of its use.
“Steven.” Marina’s voice was silky and conniving. “I’m sorry she had to see us like this, but I am your wife.”
Kayla turned swiftly and ran, and Steve suddenly found a very strong voice. “There is no us, Marina, and you’re not my wife! Look what you did to her!”
Jack stayed back to see this exchange and exhaled in relief.
“I am your wife, Steven! I am. You loved me!”
Steve started recalling the terrible nightmare he had about her and the spiteful words he’d said to her. When he repeated it here for real, he’d never meant anything he’d said to her more genuinely. “That wasn’t love, that was a boy getting his rocks off, Marina.” He spat her name like it was the plague. “That’s all you ever were to me. A woman I f*cked. You should have stayed dead.”
“Steven!!!!!” Marina shrieked.
“I have to fix this,” Steve cried, clamping his hands over his ears. Then the truth of it dawned on him like a ton of bricks as he ran into the hallway and searched the direction she’d just run. “Jesus, I can fix this! Jack!” he turned toward his brother and grabbed his shoulders. “That’s her, Jack! That’s her, and I can fix it!”
“Steve,” Jack choked out, “go after her. Please go after her, you have no idea. You have no idea what’s happening here. Please, go.” He did, though. Steve did know now that Kayla was pregnant and that that’s why Jack had brought her to Italy. He also knew that he could make this horrible mess he’d made right again.
Marina bounded out of bed. “No! No, Steve, I need you!” she pawed at him, grabbing the waistband of his jeans. “I have the same dream every night, I need you!”
Having her hands on him anywhere was bad enough, but having them there made him feel almost violated. Steve exploded. He pushed Marina hard and she fell backwards on the bed. “I told you not to touch me!” he roared as he heard her head crack against the headboard. He hated himself for doing everything surrounding this woman wrong the first time around. “You keep her away from me, Jack,” he gasped. “You keep her far away so I don’t kill her! I’m going after Kayla!”
Jack nodded. Steve saw the relief flood through him but couldn’t process any part of his relationship with his brother. He just had to get to this Kayla before his Kayla jumped in. He had to tell her that what she saw wasn’t real. It wasn’t how things were. He had a chance to put right something that was completely and utterly wrong. He had to fix his wife. So the rest of it would just never happen. The fact that it was going to reset didn’t even whisper its way through his brain.
“Go,” Jack said. “I’ve got Marina.” He let out a nervous sound. “Please go get her.”
Steve turned on his heel and ran after Kayla. How long since she’d run, a minute? Two? He ran shirtless down the hallway toward the elevators. He rounded the corner just in time to see one of them closing and just knew without question that Kayla was on it.
“Kayla!” he shouted. He hurled himself at the door and shoved his arm into the narrow space as it closed. The safety caught and stopped it from closing on his arm. He saw her through the aperture, shrunk up against the back corner of the small space tears streaming down her tired and devastated face.
“No,” she sobbed, “Please just go!” She turned away from him to face the corner.
“Baby, listen to me!” he gasped as the elevator bounced back open. “Listen to me, please, you don’t know what you just saw in there.” He entered the elevator and physically turned her around to face him as the door closed. Kayla tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but he held fast and hit the stop button on the wall panel.
“Steve, please!”
“Don’t fight me, Sweetness—“
“DON’T CALL ME THAT! DON’T CALL ME THAT EVER AGAIN!!!”
He wasn’t expecting her visceral reaction and flinched. He had never heard that voice out of her before. Not ever. Not even when she found him with Ava … Steve felt his soul crushing as he remembered another terrible choice he’d gotten them into … By the time Kayla had found him at the hospital all those years ago, she’d had a few days to process it. Now the pain was brand new. Minutes old. Raw. The depth of her hurt – the extent of the damage he’d done this night – was even more than he’d ever imagined. Experiencing it now, just in this short amount of time … it was far worse than he’d ever dreamed.
Steve felt very small as he looked upon her, his emotions overwhelming. “Kayla, listen to me,” he said. He didn’t know when he’d started crying, but his face was wet with tears. “Let me explain, please, baby.”
“I don’t know what there is to explain,” she cried along with him. “You were in bed with her. You were holding her. Talking softly to her. Touching her.”
“No! No, that’s not how it was.”
“Do you think I’m stupid?” she spat.
“No. No, of course not, it’s just you’re wrong about what you saw.”
“I know what I saw, Steve.” Her voice was shaky; he watched her struggle to stay in control.
“It was a trick, Kayla. What you saw was a trick. Marina just wanted to get me into her bed.”
“WELL IT WORKED!!!” she shrieked again.
“IT DIDN’T! NOTHING HAPPENED!” he screamed back. Kayla covered her face with both her hands as a knee-jerk reaction to his retort and backed up against the elevator wall. Steve was stricken by her reaction. God, Kayla, I can’t believe how badly I hurt you. “Jeez, I’m scaring you. Again.” His voice broke. “Nothing happened, Kayla,” he repeated with far more sanity. “You’ve gotta believe that!”
“Why should I believe anything you say?” she cried. “I just want to go home. Let me go, please.”
“Please, baby,” He fell to his knees and laid his head against the small bump that was Stephanie growing inside of Kayla. She tried to pull away, her arms out above him, refusing to touch him. But she was exhausted and not strong enough to put up much of a fight, and he was burning high on adrenalin to hold her tight as he wept. “I know things …,” he cried into her belly, “things about how things are gonna be. We can’t waste any more time. I need you and … I need you. Please, just let me explain, baby.” Steve’s outpouring of emotion was getting to her despite herself. “That’s all I wanna do, Kayla, that’s all I wanna do, please! Please, let me put it right. I’ve gotta put it right, you’ve gotta let me! I love you, baby, please! Please.”
The sudden sound of banging reverberated through the door and into the elevator shaft.
“Listen, guys,” Jack’s voice sailed in to them. “I’m sorry, but you need to move that to a room before they call the police. I could hear you all the way back in Marina’s room!”
Kayla tried to push Steve off, but he wouldn’t budge. He buried his face against Kayla’s stomach just above her baby bump and took strength from his baby. Visions of his beautiful brunette daughter assailed him. “Papa’s here,” he barely whispered so Kayla couldn’t hear the words. “Papa’s putting it right Little Sweetness.”
Steve finally released her and stood up. When he looked at her he saw doubt in her eyes, but he also saw the smallest of openings. She wants to believe me, he thought as he wiped his tears away with his palms.
“Come to my room, let me explain.”
Kayla scowled. “Your room’s not her room?” she said with continued doubt.
“Of course it’s not.” He tried not to raise his voice again.
He took the elevator out of stop mode, and it re-opened on the same floor where they got in. He held out his hand. “Come with me. Please.”
Jack stood against the door to keep it from closing and Steve jumped. “Sorry! I just – I just thought you should get out of there before you attracted unwanted attention.” He gestured to Steve as if to say, and you should put on a shirt, but Steve’s state of dress was not foremost on his mind.
“I thought you were watching her, Jack!”
“I am! I locked her in.”
“Her own room? Brilliant!”
“No, the storage room. Figured having her right next door was a bad idea.”
Steve let out a breath. “Thanks,” and he clapped his brother on the shoulder. Kayla’s reaction to this exchange was not positive.
“Go with him, Kayla. No matter what happens … you’ve … you’ve got something you need to do,” Jack pleaded.
Apparently this Kayla was not ready to relent, because she exited the elevator with Steve right on her heels and turned to Jack. “Why are you doing this, Jack? Just take me home, I want to go home.”
“I’m trying to keep you from making a big mistake,” he said looking at Steve.
“The only mistake I made was letting you convince me to come to Italy.” She crossed her arms in front of her with stubborn resolve to leave.
Steve wondered how long he’d been there. How long did he have before his Kayla jumped in. He was upset that she wasn’t there, yet worried that she’d get there too soon. He continued to watch the exchange between she and Jack and started getting frustrated at the time that was ticking away.
“Kayla, I think if you’d stop for a minute. Calm down. Think about this—“
“No. I want to go home, Jack.”
“But you came here to see Steve.”
“Oh, I think I saw him,” she directed right at her husband, the pain lacing her words.
“Sweetness, I’m telling you—“
Kayla whipped around and slapped him hard across the face. The sting against his cheek was nothing compared to the one that ripped through his heart.
“Don’t call me that, dammit,” Kayla seethed.
Steve reached up to adjust a patch that wasn’t there, then put his hand to the spot she’d just smacked and swallowed down his misery.
His brother looked at Steve with eyes that held such pity. Somehow, Jack found his voice. “I … don’t think we really saw what was happening in that room,” he offered weakly.
“Since when did you become Steve’s ally?” Now she sounded like his advocate, and hope glimmered within him again.
None of them knew that Kayla and Jack had had almost this exact conversation the first time through, because the only one whose consciousness was repeating it wasn’t actually there at the time. The computers in Rolf’s lab, however, somehow knew that this conversation happened before, because the numbers were in a strange sort of alignment that didn’t quite match up but were close enough for the scientist to take notice. It wasn’t the first time this kind of impossible dichotomy shown in the numbers, and Rolf still didn’t know if it was good, bad, or indifferent.
“You were there with me Jack,” she continued, “what do you think was happening?”
“Let him tell you! He’s right here!
“I don’t want to see Steve now.”
“Kayla,” Steve was done pleading, his voice now demanding.
“No!” she spat at her husband. Then she turned to Jack. “I just wanna go home, and if you ever cared about me Jack, please, take me home.” Kayla let out a sob. “Please.”
“After everything you’ve been through – that—that – people – have put you through – to be together … don’t you owe him that? Doesn’t he just deserve a chance?!”
Now Steve really noticed his brother for the first time. He didn’t realize that Jack had worked so hard on his behalf back then. His relationship with him in 2009 was strange. It had so many elements to it. Right now he just appreciated him and hoped he’d gotten through to Kayla.
“I’m done wasting time,” Steve huffed. He then scooped up his wife under immense protest and carried her down the hall to his hotel room. He didn’t look back, he didn’t glance into the open door of Marina’s empty room next door, and he took the abuse as Kayla tried to flail and wiggle out of his grasp. Upon entering the room he kicked the door shut with a slam, then gently set her down on the foot of the bed that he’d, apparently, bolted out of when Marina screamed for him before his awareness had arrived there.
The color had returned to Kayla’s face, only now it was the red hue of anger. She didn’t offer any further verbal protests, she was too exhausted. Steve saw that she was and got right to the point. He bent down on his knees in front of her, his tears at bay, and very solemnly started talking.
“Kayla, there is nothing about any of this that I did right. The first thing you have to know is that I didn’t touch her just now. I didn’t want her. I was sitting on her bed because she screamed and said she had a bad dream. It was just a trick, baby, she only wanted to get me in her bed. As soon as I saw it for what it was I tried to get out of there, but she taunted you and made you think I was with her. It’s not true. I swear on my mother’s life, Kayla, it did not happen. Now, I need you to believe that, baby.
Kayla watched him with reservation. But he could see her eyes soften. He could see how badly she wanted to believe him. He knew that she eventually would, but he needed this Kayla to believe him. He needed her to not leave Italy thinking he wanted Marina. He was very aware that his Kayla was still out there and on her way into this body, and his heart longed for her, especially now. It was the most ironic sense he’d ever felt. But looking into the very sad and shiny eyes that were so impossibly blue staring into his, this was his wife, too.
“Ok?”
“Go on,” she said softly.
“That’s my girl.” He exhaled heavily and reached out to caress her face, and the charge he felt when he touched her threatened to overwhelm him. The fact that she let his fingers reach for her at all was a milestone, and it galvanized him. “It doesn’t mean much, but I really did think she was dead. Dead and gone for more than a decade. And when I found out she wasn’t, I can’t tell you the panic. All I could think to do was hide her from you, and if I did, then she’d stay dead.”
A tear rolled down Kayla’s cheek, and an awe came over him. For the first time, he felt the fact that he’d literally gone back in time. He was with his wife of 1989. It wasn’t 2009 Kayla in there sharing this weird experience with him. It was his wife of this time. This was not a feeling he could identify. It was special. Exceptional. It was a gift.
Steve looked deeply into her eyes, and she looked back, listening to every word. “The next thing I have to say is that I should have told you about her from the start. I promised you honesty, and I held back this whole part of my life. But, Swe …” Kayla didn’t react, so he chanced it. “Sweetness …” After a pause he swallowed the lump in his throat and went on. “It was just a small part. I was only married to her for a few months, it was before I even met Bo, I was practically a kid. When I thought she’d died in that bay out there, and I didn’t do more to try to find her, I was ashamed and have carried that with me. I didn’t want you to think I could abandon someone I was supposed to love.” Kayla looked away and closed her eyes at his reference to having loved her. Steve saw her insecurity immediately and took care of it straight away. “But I’m older now, Kayla, and someone taught me what real love was. What being in real love actually felt like. And I know now that what I felt for her was nothing more than lust and infatuation. I never loved her. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved, Kayla. I never even loved Britta the way I love you.”
Kayla let out a whimper, her eyes softening to him so much more than even before. He was getting through to her. My God he really was. He was fixing this mess!
“It was wrong, baby. It was all wrong. I’m sorry,” he said breathily. “All I can do is say I’m sorry and beg you to forgive me. I love you, Sweetness, I love you so much.” He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Please. Say you believe me.” He looked at her expectantly, waiting for the words he was now praying for.
“Nothing happened?”
Steve shook his head. “Not a thing.”
“You don’t love her?”
Steve’s eye blurred with tears. “God, no.”
Kayla let out a wretched sob. She reached for him and let herself fall into his lap on the floor against the bed. She thrust her head into his neck as he held her in his lap and wept. Each sob was releasing the pain, the anger, the betrayal she’d felt since the moment Marina had come back into their lives. It was incredible, he felt her literally let it all go as the sobs just flowed out of her like the loosening of a sieve. That’s all it took, he realized. This one moment changed everything.
“You forgive me, don’t you, Kayla?” He asked hopefully, afraid to believe it.
Kayla nodded and reached her hand up to her husband’s face. “I’m sorry I hit you. I’m so sorry, Steve.”
“Oh … Sweetness, forget it. I deserved it.”
She continued to cry and kissed the inflamed cheek she’s slapped. A thrill ran through him when she did. Then she gingerly lifted her head up and smiled. He melted at the sight of it. “Steve … You didn’t hear me when I went to the hangar before you left.” Steve wasn’t sure what she was referring to. “Before you took off, remember on the radio, the signal was breaking up?”
“Yeah, baby,” he said gently.
“I was trying to tell you something.”
When she didn’t go on right away, he prompted her. “What, Sweetness?”
In a very gentle and soft voice she said the words he’d never gotten to hear like a man is supposed to hear them. “We’re going to have a baby.”
Steve’s eyes misted over, and tears began anew. “We are, are we?” he smiled through his tears. “Really?”
Kayla nodded. “I’m pregnant.” She shrugged and wiped the tears away from his cheeks. “You’re going to be a daddy.” Then she took his hand and placed it on her abdomen just below her belly button as he continued to cradle her in his arms.
“Thank you,” he said with heavy emotion. “Thank you for this beautiful baby, Kayla. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Steve.” She finally said it. Steve’s heart wanted to burst. “We both do.”
Before Steve knew what he was doing, he leaned down and swept her lips up into his and kissed her with every ounce of love he had in him. When she kissed him back, he felt it like a memory. His wife of so many stolen years ago was kissing him. Telling him she was about to give him a baby. And that she forgave him for the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his entire life. He broke away and held her so closely that he could feel her heart beating.
Then Kayla went rigid. His stomach flipped with the knowledge that his wife was on her way. How long had it been? He’d lost track of time. All he knew was that he fixed this place. He fixed this. And like a confirmation that he’d done the right thing here, Kayla had told him that she was pregnant. Now he needed his wife before he exploded. Steve looked Kayla’s blank face in the eyes, cradled her head in his hand and waited for her face to come alive.
Kayla arrived into the body Steve held in his lap and inhaled sharply. The first thing she saw were Steve’s two eyes looking intensely into hers. Her eyes rolled back into her head with jump sickness, and she felt his loving arms steady her as they waited for it to pass. This act alone told her that this was him.
“Stockholm?” she asked weakly.
“Twenty question,” Steve replied heavily. Then he followed it up with, “Italy, actually.”
“We’re in Italy?” Steve nodded. He didn’t say anything more, he was too overcome with joy and just a little bit of guilt over having kissed his other Kayla. Instead he just looked into her eyes with something she couldn’t identify. Two eyes, we’re in Italy, and Steve’s not talking. She didn’t have a good feeling about this. She looked around and saw that she was in Steve’s lap on the floor. She didn’t remember being here at all. What was going on?
“Marina?” she asked carefully. Steve nodded again, then Kayla could see he was about to lose it. “Steve, what is it?” she asked as she ran her soft fingers down his face. Steve just shook his head. He still hadn’t spoken another word. She knew her husband well and could see that he was choked up. What she didn’t know was why. “Tell me, baby,” she encouraged him gently.
Steve buried his face in her shoulder and cried. All Kayla could do was hold him while he did.