When Kayla arrived, she put the heels of her palms to her eyes and leaned back against the hands on her shoulders to wait out the nausea.
“Kayla … are you alright?” Not Steve’s voice. She knew whose voice it was, however, and she became lucid very quickly.
When she opened her eyes, a Steve she had never seen before in her life was staring her in the face. His hair was shorter than she’d ever seen it, he was pale and thin, and he looked like he’d recently been beaten up. He wore blue jeans, a blue denim shirt, and sneakers, all of them wet. The worst part was how he was looking at her. This was a terrible look; she’d never seen this look before. She knew Shane was behind her with his hands on her shoulders, and she began correctly thinking the worst.
“Steve?” she whispered with a wariness that didn’t get by him.
She knows, he thought. She knows I know.
“Welcome to 1991, Sweetness.” Normally she would have been angry at this kind of tone while calling her that; this time she understood.
“Nineteen—“
“Ninety-one.”
Kayla slowly turned her head to see Shane out of the corner of her eye and cringed. “Oh God,” she said. It was the moment she had been avoiding for years. Finally here. In the worst possible way. She felt Shane’s hands on her shoulders and went cold.
“You lied to me.” His voice was low and deliberate, and she had never in her entire life seen him look at her like this.
She shook her head slowly with beseeching eyes. “I didn’t …,” her eyes continued crying the tears that this body had already been in the midst of when she arrived into it. “… didn’t know … how to tell you. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I thought if I … told you—“
“Just enough! Right?! Just enough? It wasn’t that you moved on, Kayla! It was who you moved on with – and when.”
Kayla nodded. “I know,” she cried.
“Know?” Shane blurted. “You knew? What did you know?” Kayla knew Shane was beyond perplexed, but she didn’t have time to acknowledge him or answer his questions, and neither did Steve.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me?” Steve asked. “Why couldn’t you trust me?” Steve had never felt such anger at her. The pain coursing through him drove him to feel things that shamed him.
“I’m sorry, baby, I’m sor-sor-sor …” she was starting to hyperventilate as her world came crashing down on her.
“Kayla,” Shane turned her around to face him, “calm down, you’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Yes—I—have!” She wiggled out of his grasp and backed away, only to lose her footing on the unexpected roller skates and fell to her knees. She wasted no time trying to get up, but she was shaking and just couldn’t manage to pull herself together enough to get back to a standing position. Steve didn’t make a move to help her up, and he didn’t react when she flailed in desperation to get to him. And he hated himself for it.
When Steve didn’t help her, Shane bent to help her up himself, but she stopped him. “No! No, Shane go! Just go, I’ll handle this!” She tugged at the skates to get them off her feet.
“Kayla, don’t be ridiculous, you’re going through a shock, here. I think we all are. I’m not leaving you like this.”
“Yes, you are!” She got the first skate off and went to work on the second but had to untie it.
“Not on your life, Kayla.”
“You’re going to make it worse!” she spat up at him. “Please, if you care about me, then leave me, I’ll be fine!” She finally got the skate off and tossed it aside.
“I’m not leaving you on the ground, Kayla, now take my hand if your husband won’t help you.”
Shane helped Kayla up, and she immediately flung herself into Steve’s arms. “Steve!” she sobbed. “Please let me explain!” She stood on the tiptoes of her stocking feet and cried into his shoulder as he absently put his arms around her, a conditioned response his love for her couldn’t help, but the rage overwhelmed his senses. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and feel her hold him tightly. He wanted to experience this reunion happily. But he couldn’t. The darkness had rooted itself in him like a spreading cancer, and he couldn’t stop it.
Steve gripped her upper arms and dislodged her from him. She touched his face while she continued to shake. “What … what’s happened to you?” she asked with a shaky voice. “You’re wet, did – did you just come out of the river? Did you arrive this way? You look like you haven’t eaten in days.”
“I haven’t.” The anger in his words took Kayla’s breath.
“Why? Were … were you …,” She just didn’t have the words to deal with this nightmare come true.
“Was I what, Kayla?! Was I held by Lawrence Alamain right here in Salem for the last seven months? Yes.”
“What?!”
“Was I given food with drugs in it so I’d be a good boy? Yes.”
“Oh God.”
“Was I watching you move on with Shane Donovan before my body was even cold just now, Kayla? Is that what I was doing, too?” He could see Shane chomping at the bit to get into the fray.
“Steve, let me explain!”
“Now?” he laughed without a shred of humor. “Now, after three years of having the chance to tell me the whole truth and not just the easy parts you want to explain? Save it. I’ve been gone seven months, Kayla. Seven months! It only took you seven months to sleep with him. I get it!”
Shane interjected, “Now, hold on a second, Steve—“
“You shut the hell up,” he snapped.
“No!” Shane shot back, “Now that’s just about enough! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“We haven’t slept together yet,” Kayla cried softly.
“WELL YOU WILL!”
Steve had released Kayla from his grip at this point and backed away a step. He was so overcome he didn’t know what to do. Kayla countered by advancing the step he’d retreated, but he put up a hand to halt her. Then he dropped his head into his hands and let out a pained sound. Somewhere in the back of her head Kayla knew that Shane was behind her feeling the loss of their mistake of a relationship, but her only focus was on the man that was currently before her in physical and emotional pain.
“God, Kayla,” Steve said more calmly but no less devastated, “I was right here the whole time, baby. They hadn’t made me a soldier yet, I was here.”
Kayla let out a pained cry. “In Salem? How?”
“I don’t know, but this might help explain things,” he said as he thrust his scarred wrists toward her.
“Oh, Steve,” Kayla sobbed. She tried to reach for him, but he pulled his arms away and fixed her with a look that clearly said not to touch him. He knew if he let her touch him he’d break down and let her in.
“I was here, and you were –“ I was broken! He remembered from their fight the other night at the loft. No, Kayla, I’m the one was about to be broken, you’re the one who was here giving him what was mine! “—and you weren’t looking for me.”
The look on Kayla’s face turned defiant. “That’s not fair, Steve Johnson! Don’t you dare say that to me! Of course, I wasn’t looking for you, because I buried you! I saw the flatline myself. They shocked you with paddles right in front of me goddammit! Marcus tried! I had no reason to believe you were still alive.” The pain etching Kayla’s face was now shadowed with anger of her own. “Do you think I don’t hate myself every day for not knowing you weren’t dead? It haunts me!”
Steve wanted so badly to embrace her as the hot tears streamed down her face, hold her, go home with her. But his rage was consuming him, and he couldn’t do it. He just stared a hole through her. “I could have understood all of it. I would have understood. So, why did you have to lie to me, Sweetness?” Steve asked. Kayla emitted a cry at the sound of that name coming out of his mouth.
“Come home, let me take you home,” she said.
“What home? The house? Do we still have a home here?”
Shane had wisely kept silent throughout this entire puzzling exchange, the fact that his relationship with Kayla was over being a given at this point. Now he spoke up.
“I think we should take him to my house,” Shane said, “call Tarrington at the ISA right away.”
“NO!” Steve boomed. Then his voice got dangerously quiet. “You stay the f*ck away from me, I’m not going anywhere with you.”
Shane bristled and stepped toward Kayla, placing his hands on her shoulders from behind her. Kayla turned to him and made herself very clear. Shane, go. GO.”
Shane swallowed and covered his face in a mask of stoicism. “Very well,” he said. Then he sat down, pulled the skates off, grabbed his shoes, and disappeared around the corner without another word.
Steve was still staring daggers at her when she turned back to face him. “Let’s go talk,” Kayla said quietly.
“What is there to talk about, Kayla?”
“How you got here, for starters.”
“Apparently, I’ve been here in Salem the whole time. Right under your nose. While you ‘moved on.’”
“Stop it, Steve. I know you’re angry, but let me explain.”
“You mean like you explained at the loft?”
Kayla wiped her tears and tried to be calm. “No,” she said meekly. “The whole thing this time.”
Steve laughed. There was no humor in it, he just didn’t have any other way to process this unbelievable truth.
“You’re hurt.”
“No sh*t.”
“I mean you’re injured. We need to go somewhere and get you treated.”
“I’m fine.”
She was so afraid to push him. “At least sit down here, please?”
“I’ve got Alamain’s men after me, Kayla, I can’t stay.”
Kayla jerked her head back and forth, suddenly terrified that he’d be found. “Ok, I’ll go wherever you say, where do you want to go? Home base?—No, that won’t work. I—I—the Emergency Center!”
“Kayla,” he ignored what she’d just said and shook his head in utter disbelief at where they were at. “Kayla, why couldn’t you trust me to tell me in the first place? From the beginning? Why did you keep this from me for three years?” He finally leaned against the bench he’d just seen she and Shane kissing on, this body almost spent.
“I was ashamed,” she said so softly he could barely hear her. “I’m still ashamed. I made a terrible choice. I hurt my sister. I wanted it to go away, I wanted it to never have happened!”
“Yeah, well it did happen, Kayla. And fast, too.”
Kayla felt that last statement like a blow to the face. And what’s more, she knew she deserved it.
“And now I’m the only one who doesn’t know. Which makes me a fool, baby.”
“No! No, you’re not!” She took a step toward him, but he stepped back. “Steve, please. You’re so angry.”
“Angry? I can’t see straight.”
Kayla approached him again very carefully and took his hand. He let her. He felt the melee of conflicting emotions like a black fog. He needed her to comfort him and love him and ease the pain inside of him. Only she was the very one that was the object of that pain. It really was a nightmare.
“Let me take care of you,” Kayla whispered her plea. We’ll go to Marcus. You need to get out of those wet clothes.”
“Baby, I’ve got bigger problems than that. I escaped from that boat over there where they were just about to sell me to Dimera.” Kayla looked with incredulity at the boat sitting in the harbor so close she could actually see someone running down the deck. “I can’t talk to you right now.” Then after he took a deep breath he pointedly asked, “Where’s my daughter?”
“Stephanie?”
“No, Jeanie,” he shot back sarcastically, “yes, Stephanie, where is she? I want to see her.”
“I – I don’t know. I don’t know when …” then she spotted the ice cream vendor and this date with Shane all came back to her. “She’s probably with my folks.”
“I’m going to get her.”
“No! No, you can’t just show up, she’ll be confused, my parents will pass out.”
“My daughter will know her father! Unless you’ve had her start calling Shane daddy!” His voice broke on the last word.
“How dare you,” Kayla said. “Our daughter knew her father every single day of her life, because I made damn sure that she did.”
Steve felt a pang of remorse for saying something so terrible to her. But it didn’t lessen his fury. Kayla saw the glimmer of apology in his eye, but he didn’t say he was sorry. Without another word, Steve turned on his heel and continued down the pier. He had no idea where he was going, but he had to get out of there before his rage smothered him.
“Steve!” she called after him. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know! I don’t have any ties here. I don’t have any clothes or a home left! I was in the middle of being sold to Stefano Dimera at this time!”
“Don’t leave me. We have to stay together.”
“No, baby. No, I can’t be with you right now.”
Kayla’s world was falling away. She felt like she’d fallen into a chasm and would never be found. She saw the look on her husband’s face and knew he meant it. She lashed out with the last of her emotional strength.
“I’m not PERFECT! You were dead! I wanted to die, too! But I didn’t have that same damned luxury because someone had to stay to take care of our baby!”
Steve felt a resurgence of energy and got right up against her. He held her face in his hands and laid it out for her in a rough whisper. “It’s the lies, Kayla! I couldn’t believe it when you told me that you tried once and that you’d never tried again. That’s a long time to be lonely, and I felt sad and guilty for you! But you moved on quick. And you did it with your sister’s husband! And you made love to him! And gave him what was mine. But I was dead, right? So, I pushed it away. When you didn’t tell me his name I knew that I didn’t want to know, and I was right!”
Kayla licked her lips of the tears that fell upon them and hated herself.
“But I could have gotten past all of that, Kayla, all of it. I’m not saying it wouldn’t have hurt, but I would have gotten past it, if only you’d have trusted me, baby. Told me! After everything we’ve been though, did you think there was something you could have done to make me think less of you? How? How could you think it?”
Kayla whimpered and caressed her husband’s face in kind as a tear ran down his face.
“I didn’t tell you about Marina, and that almost cost us our marriage. I hated myself for years, even today. Because of what I put us through by lying to you about her. I mean wasn’t that what all this was about back there? What we just went through a few hours ago. I fixed it that, but you were still lying about this! You do the same thing with Shane, hide him from me, and I’m supposed to just let it all go?!”
“No, baby, no, I just –“
“You left me over Marina! YOU LEFT ME! And now you want me to stay and listen to you tell me about Shane?”
“Steve,” she wept, “I just want you to let me tell you!”
“Well, that’s just too bad.” He gingerly wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs and looked upon her with sadness. “Because I no longer want to hear it.” Then he released her and turned away.
Kayla fell into a chair outside the Sand Dollar restaurant that hadn’t yet opened for the day laid her head down in her arms, and cried. Please come hold me … please tell me you still love me! It was when she felt the pull in her gut that she finally looked up. Steve was still turned away from her. Was he actually going to leave her in the middle of a jump?
She reached up and touched his arm. “Steve I’m jumping!” she said. He turned toward her but did not take her hand. Please tell me you love me before I go! She longed for him. But before another word could be spoken, the jump took her.
Steve watched her leave her body, knowing he had no more than ten more seconds before it was his turn. He felt no less angry, but he couldn’t help the guilt that washed through him that he let her jump while this rift was between them. He knew somewhere inside himself that he had to get a grip. He didn’t know if what he was feeling was unfair or not fair enough. He didn’t know how to get past her blatant dishonesty. He didn’t know how to process this kind of anger at his wife, what to do with it, or how to make it stop. What he did know was that that look on her face as she jumped asked if he still loved her. “That’s a stupid question,” he rasped as the ice cream man looked upon them with the saddest look of pity. “I’ll never love anyone else.” A tear rolled down Steve’s face. Then he was gone.
When Kayla opened her eyes, she was still in emotional agony. This destination’s Steve was right in front of her, and she knew that this was a time he still loved her, even if he hadn’t said it in words yet. She wanted to run to him and bury her head in his warmth and feel him love her without the horrible anger she’d just left behind on that pier. But that was going to be tricky, anyway, because the Steve of this time was pointing a gun at his father, who’d just hit her and shoved her to the floor. She ran her tongue over the split in her lip, tasted the blood there, and didn’t have a clue what she should do next.