The sound of Kayla’s footsteps coming down the pier made Steve’s heart race. The sound of her sniffling made it race a little faster. He stood up and wobbled just slightly, catching Kayla completely off guard. She startled at the unexpected sight of him as she barreled across the pier on her way to the Cheatin’ Heart.
“Steve! What are you doing here?”
“What are you donin’ here, baby?” Sadness splayed across Kayla’s face as Steve noticed how swollen her red-rimmed eyes were. “Uh oh. Uuuuh-ooooh”
“Pop,” she said, trying not to break down again. The she shrugged in resignation. “I saw my pop.”
Steve ran the back of his hand down Kayla’s cheek, then bent to kiss her forehead, swaying a bit on his way there. “You’re glad you went, though.”
Kayla instinctively reached her hands up to his arms to steady his bobble and narrowed her eyes. He looked just a bit off. “You ok?” she asked.
“Yeah, baby, why wooden’I be?”
She folded her arms in front of her and cocked her head to the side slightly, studying him. “Have a good time at the Cheatin’ Heart?”
“Yeahp,” he smiled, knowing damn well he wasn’t fooling anybody.
“Shoot some pool?”
“Yeahp,”
“Have six beers?”
“Only four.” He held up three fingers.
“Ah,” she nodded with disapproval in her eyes, an amusement she couldn’t help, however, pulling at the corners of her mouth.
“An’ a shot’a whiskey.”
Kayla glared at him, and Steve was struck by the vision before him. She looked so much like his long ago Kayla. The curls in her hair, the smoothness of her skin, the youth in her face. But the look in her eyes, her stance, the way she held her head … they were all his Kayla. The one he came back to in 2006. The one he continued to love with every fiber of his being in 2009. Somewhere in his head he figured the alcohol was affecting him, but he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as the paradox struck him. His older, wiser, more lived-in Kayla was living in his younger, less experienced, innocent Kayla. He saw her there. He really saw his wife staring at him with those eyes.
“My God, Kayla, I see you. I really see you, baby.”
“I’m surprised you see anything right now,” she chuckled through her annoyance.
“No, I’m seein’ you, baby. 2009 you.”
“Yeah, ok, you’re drunk.”
“Only a little drunk.”
She reached out for his hand. “Only a little drunk?”
“I’m still standin’ up. Been way drunker.”
Kayla smirked and nodded. “That’s true. Though, I think I see why you’re not on your way to the fish market right now.”
“Thought maybe tha’was a bad move.”
“I think we should get you home,” she said grabbing his chin with mock annoyance.
“Baby? I really see you. I see you. My Kayla, Sweetness.” Steve held her face in both his hands. “Not just right now. I know who I’m married to.”
“Steve, I know. It’s ok, let’s just go home.”
“Home! That is where I wanna go, baby. Home. Even though I love seeing you this way. And I do. Baby, it’s been somethin’ else. But, it’s like it’s just a costume.” Steve didn’t really slur, but the intoxication made his speech looser, easier. “You’re right here in fron’a me.” He palmed her thick curls off her forehead and looked her hotly in the eyes. “I love it here on this jump. But I always want you. You know that dontchu?”
Kayla actually understood what he was trying to say. She’d seen so much of her 2009 Steve throughout these jumps. Sometimes it was harder to find him, but usually she saw him beneath the surface. He held himself so much differently as a 50-year-old than he did as a 30-year-old. He was calmer. He liked himself a lot more. And she felt the same way about him that he did about her.
“I do know that. I feel the same way, Steve.” She kissed him and tasted the smokiness of the whisky on his lips. It was soft and gentle, and it was a sweet comfort to Kayla after the time she’d spent with her father.
“I’m sorry I’m drunk,” Steve said when he broke from her lips.
Kayla shrugged. “Just a little drunk,” she grinned. “Did you have fun?”
Steve nodded. “I did,” he said pulling her down to sit on the bench. “Never did deserve you,”.
Kayla giggled and enjoyed her husband’s slightly drunk arm holding her tightly around the shoulders. She laid her head against him and watched the fog roll in as various boats sailed by.
“Thanks for encouraging me to go home. Seeing my pop was …,” she exhaled heavily. “… you were right, it was wonderful.” Steve kissed the top of her head, and she snuggled into his shoulder. “He was so young. He stood up so straight. He smelled so much like my pop. I broke down.”
“Oh, baby.”
“I did,” her voice caught in her throat. “He didn’t understand why I was crying so much. I haven’t cried like that since we thought you died. It was almost cathartic how hard I cried.” Steve stroked his thumb over Kayla’s gloved hand and just let her get it out as the alcohol continued to buzz in his head. “I don’t think I convinced him till the very end that you hadn’t hurt me.”
“Yeahp, there it is.”
“Well, I set him straight. Told him that he was gonna love you one day. And that you saved my life.”
“Saved your life?”
“The atropine.”
“Ah. You tole ‘im you were poisoned?”
“Not in so many words. But if nothing else, he and Mom know that you are a good man, that you’re good for me.”
“What else did you talk about, Sweetness?”
She exhaled. “Nothing I want to talk about right now.” He looked at her questioningly. “Later. Don’t want to think about it anymore.” Steve didn’t push. She didn’t say anything more for a while; they just sat with each other in a comfortable silence, looking out into the river as people walked past them. They looked very much like a couple in love. Which is what they were, in this time and in their own. Eventually, Kayla said, “Max doesn’t talk yet. I’d forgotten about that. And Frankie is really angry.”
“Poor kids,” Steve said. “They’re gonna be alright, though.”
“I played Candyland with Max. He wanted to say goodnight to you.”
“Aw, man. We sh’go back, I’d like to see him.”
“No, I don’t think so. Not tonight.”
“Right. Forgot. Drunk.”
“It was the first time we were apart since we began jumping, you know.”
“Only for you. I already left you at Gabrielle’s.”
“Oh yeah. Well, it was the first time we did it on purpose, I guess. Did you miss me?”
“I always miss you.”
“Steve.”
“Wha?”
“Come on, now.”
The alcohol loosened up his reluctance to say the words out loud, and so he was honest with her where he wouldn’t have been otherwise. “I think we both needed time doin’ our own thing, baby. For just a few hours. Normal people don’t spend every minute with each other. We’ve been with each other every minute.”
“So you’re sick of me?” she said only half kidding.
“Kayla, no. I couldn’t be sick of you. But we’re getting on each others’ nerves, baby.”
“Oh we are, huh?”
“Sh*t, I said the wrong thing.” He ran his hand through his hair and adjusted his patch. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.” She tilted her head to look at him and then ran her finger down his patch. “You’re right. We’re getting a little bit in each others’ hair, I think.”
Steve turned to kiss Kayla’s temple. “I love your hair this way.” Kayla chuckled.
“So, it wasn’t hard for you? To go to the Cheatin’ Heart without me?”
“I dunno ‘bout that, now.” Kayla raised an eyebrow. “I stood outside the fish market for an hour.”
“You stood out there for an hour?!” she sat up straight.
“Get back here,” he pulled her back down to lay against him. “I might have exaggerated a little, prolly more like ten minutes. I stood out there a long time, I was afraid to go.”
Kayla smiled. “You were?”
“Especially when I heard you crying.” Kayla tensed. “I wanted to run in there, but I knew why you were and that you needed this.” He paused then mustered up the courage to say, “And I needed it, too. I needed to be able to let you go without me.” Kayla started feeling the chill and snuggled into Steve. “You’re jumping first, and you don’t know what I been goin’ through when I see you leave and your body just go blank. I needed to be able to be on my own.”
She understood. She really did. Kayla wiped away a stray tear and felt a momentary flicker of anger at whomever was doing this to them. Then she relaxed a bit as the moment passed. Kayla kissed her husband’s cheek and said, “Tell me about your evening.”
Steve smiled. “Well, I beat the pants off someone I don’t remember, four times. Made about two-hundred bucks.”
Kayla sat up straight, her eyes suddenly very alert. “Really? Wow.”
“Yeah, gave most of it to Joanie.”
Kayla’s face fell a bit. “Who?”
“Joanie. I remembered her right away. She’s a single mom, good for nothin’ husband. Came in there actually lookin’ for me. Can you imagine, Sweetness, the very day I decide to go to the Heart, and someone comes in lookin’ for me. Asked for my help to pay the rent.”
“Pay the rent?” Kayla repeated. “Why would you – oh yeah …” Kayla vaguely remembered now. “I remember that girl, I am pretty sure. Really small and frail? Brown hair, I think.”
“That’s her.”
Kayla chuckled. “I remember her, now. I think that’s the girl I saw you with there, and I thought you had stood me up to have a date with her instead. I was really mad. But I think Adrienne told me it wasn’t true, and I talked to the girl. And then I realized what a good heart you had, always helping everyone else.”
“Yeah, I’m a saint, baby.”
“So, history repeats itself, it seems. Do you have any of it left?”
“Yeah, she gave me half. Thought I’d pay the rent on my apartment and let Adrienne and Mama live there.”
“Jo’s in Salem now?”
“Think so. Wait, no. I dunno. Can’t think right now.”
Kayla patted her husband’s chest and said, “C’mon, big boy, let’s get you in bed.”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
“Not that kind of bed, baby, come on.”
Kayla stood up and pulled on Steve’s arms, but he yanked her back down so that she was sitting across his lap, and she gave up a little yelp. “That’s the only kind of bed I want, Sweetness.” Then he kissed her hard, his tongue prying open her lips to let him in. Kayla didn’t need much convincing; she opened to him naturally as she always would, tasted the alcohol on his tongue, and felt a tingle in her belly.”
“Mmm,” she moaned into his kiss. It was hot and wet and went on for several moments without breaking. But Steve’s kisses were never harsh. This one was hard and demanding, but she still felt how much he loved her in that kiss. She also felt how much it was turning her on.
“How can you be so horny with all that beer in your system?”
“Baby, all this beer in my system makes me want you more.” He slipped his hand inside her coat and firmly rubbed her breast.
“Steve!” Kayla gasped as she looked to see if anyone saw them. “There are people around!”
“I need your tits in my mouth, baby. Need to taste your sweet nipples.”
“Shhh! What has gotten into you?”
“I wanna get my dick into you, that’s what I want,” he had the wherewithal to whisper as he nibbled on her ear.
“Oh-kaaay,” she said nervously as an older couple passed by them looking very disapprovingly at the public display. “I really think we should continue this at the loft, Steve.”
He kissed her neck and trailed his lips up her jawline until he met her lips again. “Gonna do all kinds of naughty things to you in that loft, Sweetness.”
Kayla was trying not to be taken in by the seduction, because one of them had to keep their head. But his words were lighting her on fire. She pushed herself away from him, shot up, and backed away.
“Steven Earl Johnson,” she commanded, trying hard not to smile, though she was failing miserably. “You stand up and get over here right now. Steve stood up and felt dizzy. Kayla saw that he was but forced herself not to go to him. “Come on.”
“Come on what? Whatchu want me to come on?”
“Steve, please!”
“I like it when you beg, baby.” He covered the two few steps between the bench and where she now stood against a pylon and kissed her hard again.
“Oh,” she relented as she wrapped her arms around him and continued to kiss him. Finally she came to her senses. “Steve, you need to sober up, we shouldn’t do this ‘til you’re head is clear.”
“Sweetness are you trying not to take advantage of me?”
“Something like that,” she laughed. “Not that I don’t want you, but it probably isn’t right.”
“Oh, it’s right. My head is clear.”
“We’re in public,” she whispered loudly.
“Ain’t no one here at the moment, baby,” he persisted.
“Steve!”
Steve turned his head back and forth and then tugged her under the stairs of the pier. For the most part, they were obscured from view, and Steve’s erection grew harder even amidst the effects of the alcohol.
“How ‘bout now, not very public now.” He slipped has hand back into her coat and gave her breast a squeeze.
“Not that hidden, either,” she whispered.
Steve looked her square in the eyes and was momentarily very sober. “You want me to stop?”
Kayla suddenly wanted nothing more than for him to continue, needing to feel him fill her with the ample flesh that she could feel straining against her leg. “What I want is to scream your name. Can’t do that here,” she teased.
“Let’s go. You’d better drive.”
“Ya think?”
Once in the car, Kayla didn’t even get it turned on before Steve was on top of her. “Best car ever made, Sweetness. I miss bench seats.” Kayla moaned as he sucked on her neck. She could feel that he was about to leave a mark, so she quickly spiraled her head away from him so that she could return the favor. She unzipped his leather jacket and threw her leg over to straddle him. “Oh, Mmm …,” Steve groaned. Kayla devoured his mouth, savoring the feel of his hungry lips devouring hers back. “Take advantage of me, baby. I wanna feel your lips on my cock.”
Kayla’s arousal was heightened by his words, and she could feel herself release a gush of wetness. She pulled back from him and looked him right in the eye. “You want me to suck you, Steve?” her tongue then darting out to lick her bottom lip.
“Oh Baby. Suck me.”
“Say please.” Steve’s eye narrowed, and the game gave him such pleasure. “You’re not the only one who likes to be begged,” she cooed.
“Please suck me, Kayla. Please wrap that hot mouth around me.”
Kayla looked out all the windows, but the parking area had emptied with the lateness of the hour. Steve reached over to lock the doors as Kayla slipped off of him and unzipped his jeans, releasing his hard penis. With another glance out the front window, Kayla turned her head back to Steve and wasted no time before lowering her lips to his lap and taking his tight flesh entirely into her mouth.
“Oh … baby … Oh yeah, just like that. So hot … uhhhh,” he moaned.
Kayla wrapped her tongue around his stiff shaft, sucking hard at the head while wrapping her hand firmly around the base and stroking in rhythm with that of her tongue. Steve moaned loudly, chanting her name over and over as he continued to release pearls of cum into her mouth. Kayla took them, reveling in the familiar taste, knowing she was giving him such deep pleasure. Steve, meanwhile, wrapped his fingers in her hair and simply let his hands feel the rhythm of her bobbing head. It was erotic and hot, and he wanted to explode inside of her.
“Kayla, I’m gonna come.”
“Good,” she said, releasing him to take a quick breath, kissing the very tip of his cock.”
There’s nothing in this moment that he wanted more. “You s-sure?”
“Come, Steve. Scream my name, baby.”
She lowered her lips back onto him and used the thumb of her other hand to firmly stroke the area just below his balls as she continued to lick and suck him. The added sensation sent him over the edge as he took one hand and grabbed the back of the seat while the other pushed on her head as his hips started to thrust; he just couldn’t help himself, she’d worked him into that much of a frenzy. The sound of Kayla humming a moan around his penis began the first pulses of an orgasm so intense that he practically saw stars.
“Kayla!” he roared as the cum shot into his wife’s mouth. He felt her continue to pump up and down over his shaft while stroking beneath his balls, taking everything he gave her. “Kayla!” his voice broke from the intensity of the sensations. They were so exquisite and the connection to her so powerful, he didn’t want it to end. The last of his cum spurted into her mouth, as the effects or the orgasm worked a pleasure through his body that enveloped him and made him dizzy. He felt high. He needed more. But more than that, he needed to hold his wife.
Kayla smiled, feeling immense satisfaction knowing that she just gave her husband mind-blowing pleasure. She sat up and wiped her mouth just as Steve lifted his head to look at her.
“Baby,” he rasped with just a touch of something overwhelming. He reached his left hand up to her face and used his thumb to help her wipe the moisture from the corner of her mouth. “Come ‘ere, Sweetness.” He brought her head to rest on him, but it wasn’t enough. “No, closer, baby. Let me hold you.” Kayla snuggled against him as she wrapped her arms around him. Steve kissed her head. “Thank you. There’s no man on this earth that loves his wife more than I love mine.”
Kayla sighed. “I love you more,” she said.
“No, Sweetness. You don’t. Kayla was touched. How did he continue to make her heart melt every single day? She went to say more, but he shushed her with his fingers. “Just hold on to me, Kayla.” So, she did.
Neither could say how long they stayed like that inside the fogged up windows of the Bluesmobile, but eventually they were both chilled enough that they had to move.
“Cold?” Steve prompted.
“Mm-mmm,” she shook her head slowly.
Steve kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her eyelids. “I think you are, baby.”
“Ok, maybe a little.”
“You want more?”
Kayla giggled. “I might. But not here.”
“Then you’re gonna have to get us going, baby. ‘Cause if you don’t, then I’ll have no choice than to take you right here.”
Kayla reluctantly started the ignition, turned on the heat, and drove them back to the loft.
“I’m nice and sober now,” Steve said as he looked at her with a leer in the elevator.
“So, I didn’t completely take advantage of you back there, then?”
“You didn’t get a thing out of it, so I’m not the one who got taken advantage of.”
“I got plenty out of it,” she set him straight. “I got to make you feel so good that you could barely speak. That’s worth plenty.” She smiled and reached for his hand. Steve took the hand she offered and placed it on his crotch. Kayla’s eyes got big with shock. “How is that possible?”
“Because I need you, that’s how.”
Kayla’s arousal was all she could feel, and it propelled her to jump into his arms. He held her easily, the alcohol gone from his head, and pinned her up against the side of the elevator as she wrapped her legs around him. Their kisses were wild and carnal, and Steve was desperate to stick his fingers inside of her, feel the wetness he knew was there.
After an eternity, the elevator reached their floor, and Steve carried her out with her still wrapped around him. He shoved her hard against the loft door, and she cried out; not from the force but from the frustration of not being naked yet. She broke away long enough to fumble with the keys and get them inside the apartment. Steve dragged the door closed, locked it, then began tearing her clothes off, starting with her coat. Kayla did the same, and in very sort order they had trailed their clothing one piece at a time across the floor and up the spiral staircase. He stopped at the bottom to take one pert breast into his mouth and sucked hard. He ran his tongue around it before flicking it fast and hard over her hard nipple. Then he nipped it firmly, making her cry out. They were naked, and Kayla snaked a hand down to his cock to stroke it, but Steve had to feel her heat. He released her then advanced on her, forcing her to move backwards up the stairs, continuing to kiss and fondle her. They were only about half way up when Steve stopped them, grabbed Kayla firmly around the waist, and finally shoved two fingers into her.
“Sweetness, you’re so wet for me. You’re so wet.”
“That’s what hearing you come like that does to me, Steve. Did you know that?”
He stroked her firmly, and Kayla’s head lolled back as she exhaled in ecstasy.
“I love you, Sweetness,” he said as the very beginnings of her climax began to warm in the pit of her stomach. He kissed her hotly, then removed his fingers and licked them. “You taste sweet, too.” Kayla gazed at him with her own very drunk eyes. “Bed,” he commanded, “Right f*cking now.”
Kayla backed the rest of the way up the stairs, threw herself onto the bed, and spread her legs while leaning up on her elbows. “Cock,” she commanded back, “right f*cking now.”
Steve almost came right there. He quickly fell on top of her and impaled her hard with his steel erection. Kayla cried out and released sexual gasps with his every thrust. The sounds she made drove him wild as he worked into her with a steady rhythm. Soon, the orgasm cresting within her was all she felt. She was desperate to come. Desperate to feel him fill her up.
Steve grunted as he pumped himself in and out of her. Looking at his wife’s face twisted into sexual bliss drove him even farther into insanity. “I’m the only one who gets to see you this way,” he whispered as he pumped. No one sees this face but me!” Possession coursed through him. He felt himself start to come.
I’m the only one who gets to see you this way … Kayla pushed unwanted thoughts out of her head and pushed against her husband’s chest so she could flip over and straddle him. Steve complied, and she grabbed the headboard as she easily slipped her slick walls back down over the erection that had already started to release into her.
“You’re the only man I ever wanted. The only one I want to make love to me. The only one I want to f*ck me. The only one I’ll ever want to touch me for the rest of my life! STEVE!” As he released another torrent inside of the woman that meant everything to him, Kayla’s orgasm sliced through her, causing her to shake wildly on top of him.
“God, so beautiful, baby,” he said as her face showed the coital pleasure they shared. “So beautiful when you come.”
Kayla crumpled on top of his chest and panted. “I love you, Steve,” she whispered as he delicately stroked her back. No one could replace you. Not ever.” Steve thought her choice of words was a bit strange, but he dismissed it quickly. She felt his beating heart beneath her cheek and breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath. “I love you. It’s only ever been you.” She held him tightly, and he felt that maybe something wasn’t quite right, but his bliss was too good to think there was anything going on.
She rolled over and snuggled her head into Steve’s neck. She didn’t go to the bathroom or clean up or bother to go downstairs and turn out any lights. She simply fell asleep clutching on to her husband, feeling how much he loved her and thanking God, again, for bringing him back to her.
Kayla woke up in the middle of the night. She knew exactly where and when she was. Normally when she woke up on these jumps she would have split seconds of disorientation, but not this time. Steve had rolled to the edge of the bed with his arm above his head. He looked like a little boy sleeping peacefully with his hair having fallen over his eye. She wanted to snuggle up against him, but she knew he needed to sleep off the alcohol and didn’t want to risk disturbing him. She carefully got out of bed and went to the bathroom. When she came out, Steve was still sleeping like the dead.
Very softly, Kayla headed down the stairs and sat on the rug in front of the fireplace. She was sated and well- loved, but she felt the guilt she tried hard to ignore now worm its way to the surface. Her mind drifted to what to do about her sister’s trial. This was a big deal. She knew she should be there. But she also knew how it was all going to turn out. She gave her father the clue about Gillian, and the truth was that she just didn’t want to face Shane. She really didn’t. She knew if she went to the trial that Steve would be going with her, and the concept of the brothers-in-law crossing paths brought more anxiety to her than she cared to admit. Shame set upon her for so many reasons. Shame for having pursued the relationship with him, the man her sister loved, and for doing it when she wasn’t over Steve – or maybe because of it. But the most shame came from not having told Steve about it. She skirted the identity of the man she tried to move on with, but this omission was as bad as if she’d lied entirely. It was a lie. To her it was a lie. And the longer she went without telling him, the worse the lie was. Shane had barely come up as a topic since Steve returned to her, especially since he and Kimberly were divorced. But now they were there in Salem together, and she didn’t know if she could keep them from meeting.
Plus, Kayla just wasn’t ready to meet that many people head on. One at a time like Chris at Shenanigans, or in bite sized pieces like at her folks’ house. Those worked for her. But actually going to the courthouse? Seeing her entire family? Dealing with the guilty verdict? She didn’t want to have to do this. If election night taught her anything it was that remembering who she was supposed to be with so many people at once was not something she looked forward to.
I’m the only one who gets to see you this way … It drifted into her head, reinforcing the guilt. Kayla started to cry. “Dammit!” she cursed softly. “I’m sorry.” She pulled her knees in tight and rested her cheek on them as she whimpered.
The blanket being placed lovingly around her shoulders startled her. “Steve!” she yelped as she quickly tried to hide her tears from him. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”
“Why are you crying, Kayla? Is it your pop?”
It would be so easy to lie. It was perfect. But that would only make it worse. She shook her head and turned away from him.
“Baby, what is it? Did … did I hurt you up there?”
“No,” she laughed without humor. “No.”
He sat opposite her. He tilted her chin toward him, but she gently moved it away, not wanting to face him. “Then what?”
Kayla hung her head and continued to cry. “You love me so much.”
“That makes you sad?”
“I slept with someone when you were dead,” she blurted before she could stop herself. Steve stopped cold, jealousy snaking slowly down his spine. “Only you weren’t dead.” He couldn’t speak. He was afraid if he did he’d say something very wrong. “I wasn’t ready. I thought I was, but I wasn’t, and it was a huge m-m-mistake. I tried to move on, get over you.”
“Did it work,” Steve asked as calmly as he could.
“No. I left Salem to start a new life as your widow and nothing more, that’s how well that worked.”
Now Steve’s heart skipped a beat, possibly three. Salem? Not LA? Steve knew that she’d left Salem two years after he’d died, so the fact that this happened in Salem struck him as … soon. Who? He wanted to ask the question, but he innately knew that he probably knew whomever this was, and a few pieces to a puzzle he hadn’t known existed suddenly fell into place. She’s never said his name. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to f*cking know.
“Are you there,” she chanced a look at his face and saw him working the muscle in his jaw.
“Not going anywhere.” No baby. No Sweetness. Just the statement.
“He’s seen my face when I—“
“Stop. No more. I—I can’t.” Steve got up. Kayla watched Steve’s demeanor turn fiery before her eyes.
“Do you still love me?”
“That’s a stupid question!” he boomed. “I’ll never love anyone else!”
Kayla shrank back into herself, her guilt starting to consume her. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “You can’t know what it was like. Something inside me broke. I wanted to die.”
This brought Steve to his senses. He saw his wife’s pain while continuing to feel his own, but he thought back to their talk in Stockholm. She had one. You had nine, and she thought you were dead. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he said far more gently as he kneeled back down beside her. “I knew you’d tried with someone. You said so. I knew what that meant. You shouldn’t have been expected to be … celibate.” His heart constricted even as he said it.
“I can’t help feeling so guilty, Steve. I would do anything to take it back. I would do anything to make you my only one.”
“Well, it’s not like you were a virgin.”
“It wasn’t the same with Chris. You really were the only man to bring me that kind of pleasure. To share that kind of connection. But this man … I …”
“You connected like that? You loved him?” He struggled to get that out.
Kayla saw the fear in his eye that the next words out of her mouth might actually be yes, and she knew in that moment that she could never tell him that it was Shane. “No,” she stressed, “No, Steve, I did-not-love-him. I thought I did at the time, and tried to convince myself that I did. I tried so hard to love him, and I let him in. But it wasn’t what we have. You’re the only man I’ve ever been in love with. I love you, baby, I love only you. But I did ha-have se-sex with him. And I … did … he did see … my … face … when I …”
“Ok. I don’t – I don’t – need you to say it.” Steve put a hand on her shoulder and hung his head in his other hand. “God, Kayla, please don’t say it.”
She touched his face, and her touch made his stomach flip. “You’re the only man, Steve—“
“But I’m not!” Steve suddenly seethed with a new wave of anger. “All those times you said I was the only man, I wasn’t! Someone else gave you that pleasure. Someone else gave you what belongs to me!” He teared up despite himself.
Kayla’s heart started to break. “I’m sorry. I was broken! Please, Steve. Please don’t stop loving me!”
Now Steve really saw the damage he was about to do. How could she ever think he might stop loving her? He saw the guilt in her eyes and wondered how long she’d been carrying this around with her. He was so quickly forgiven for the women he was with, now it was his turn.
“Kayla, baby,” his voice softened. “Stop, you’re not broken. Don’t ever say that. I’m the one who’s sorry, I’m sorry.” He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. “And I told you, I could never stop loving you. There’s nothing you could do in this world that would make me stop loving you.”
“You forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” Despite the pain he still felt at the fact that someone else was inside of her, giving her the pleasure that was theirs alone to share, he truly released it and had to make her see that he had. “Neither of us were angels. You thought I was dead, I thought I was single.” Kayla nodded. “Am I the only one now?”
“Of course, you are!” her face stricken that he’d even ask the question. “How could you even ask that?!”
“How could you even ask if I still loved you?” A tear slid down Steve’s face. Kayla bit her bottom lip and wiped it away with her thumb. “Now I don’t want to hear you cry anymore. We’ve been happy for four days. Let’s see how much longer we can keep that up, ok, baby?” She nodded. “I need to hear you say it. Ok?”
“Ok.”
They walked back up to bed, and this time it was Steve who snuggled up against Kayla. He needed to feel her warmth. He kissed her, and when their lips met, he could feel her tension.
“Kayla,” he said, “We’re ok. I love you. I’m not mad.”
Kayla held him tighter. “I love you, too,” she said.
Steve fell asleep fully aware that she continued to not tell him who this person was and being ok with that. Kayla did the same, fully aware that she was not going to Kimberly’s trial tomorrow or any day after that.