Steve rolled over and reached for his wife. His hand made contact with her belly, and he pulled her close into the crook of his lap. The firmness of her bottom felt good against the stiff erection that often came with waking in the morning. Still enveloped in sleep’s twilight, Steve began grinding himself against her. Kayla roused to this familiar morning activity and through her own sleepy haze enjoyed the feel of him. Turning toward him, she allowed her hips to meet his, feeling his hardness through the nightgown against her soft folds beneath it.
When she moaned, the sound of her voice pierced the silence of their early morning foreplay, bringing both of them out of their building ecstasy and into the immediate here and now. They froze what they were doing, opened their eyes, and saw that the here and now in question was the same one as when they went to sleep.
“We’re still here,” Kayla whispered.
Steve looked into her eyes and saw the sleep in them. Glancing over her shoulder then up to the headboard against the sage wall, he knew she was right. “Looks like it,” he said. Truth be told, he was amazed.
“I’m kind of surprised,” Kayla said.
“Me, too, baby,” he said, drowsiness lacing his voice. “Laying here last night, I thought that was gonna be it for us. We’d wake up back at home.”
Just then the sounds of Stephanie making little sighs in her sleep sailed through the room, and relief flooded through them. “But we didn’t,” Kayla replied with a squeak of excitement. “We’re still here, and so is Stephanie.”
Steve leaned in and kissed her lips, his touch was soft and gentle. Despite the ache in his groin, he controlled his urge to continue what they’d just been unconsciously doing, and she controlled her urge to encourage him. Then Steve asked himself, why are we still waiting?
“Come here, baby.” Steve turned his head to see the clock; it was just after 5:30 AM. Then he gathered her into his arms. “What time did Stephanie usually get up back then, I forget.”
“Probably about the same time as Joey does now,” Kayla said. Steve snickered, and Kayla pulled back and looked at him with curiosity. “What?”
“Now? Sweetness, which now are we talking about, the now that we’re from or the now we’re layin’ in, here?
She playfully whacked at him, “You know what I meant.”
“Yeah, this time, but if we’re going to be sticking around, we’re going to have a whole new view of what ‘now’ means.
“Ugh,” she groaned, “you’re going to make my head hurt with this time travel stuff, aren’t you?”
“Don’t talk to me about your head hurting, Sweetness, I’ve got a head of my own hurting right now.”
Kayla giggled and lifted the comforter to look down at the tent that had formed at Steve’s crotch. “Yeah, you seem to have a little problem down there, Mr. Johnson,” she teased as she reached down and patted the slowly diminishing stiffness.
“Hey!” Steve caught her hand, “just who are you calling little, baby?”
“Gosh. I think we’re getting a wee bit defensive.”
“Wee? Now we’re wee, too?” He put his hand to his heart, verbally wounded.
“Ya know … it’s tomorrow,” she said. “We’re still here. Maybe I should fix that.”
In one swift motion, Steve rolled her onto her back and pinned her down beneath him. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Sweetness.”
“Oh, I think I can finish it.”
Steve captured her mouth in his and kissed her just as he noticed something big and lumpy down near their feet. “What is that?” Steve asked. “Do you feel that?”
“How can I not?” Kayla giggled.
“Not that, baby, this thing is big and fuzzy.”
“Fuzzy? That doesn’t sound promising.”
Steve leered at her and said, “Keep your pants on, baby, let me check what this thing is.”
Steve reached down and said, “Oh, man, baby, you’re not gonna believe what I found!”
Just then, Kayla’s déjà vu kicked in again, and she knew exactly what it was. With a quick inhale of breath, she said, “something has come between us!”
Steve smiled, revealing the stuffed cow that had somehow lived undetected at the foot of their bed till this moment. “Moo, baby!” Then he cackled with complete amusement.
Kayla laughed and squeezed the stuffed animal’s middle, resulting in a set of “moo’s” coming from it’s belly. Just then Stephanie’s little sighs became all out notifications that she was awake and it was time to come get her out of that crib, thank you very much.
“Coming, Little Sweetness,” Steve yelled.
Kayla smiled over at him. “You were right, I guess we’re going to have to finish this later. Darn cow tried to horn in again!”
“Yeah, well, I’ll have a talk with the dude later.” Kayla shook a finger at it, and Steve laughed. “Let’s go get our girl.”
Five minutes later, Stephanie had a fresh diaper and was sitting up between Steve and Kayla on the bed whacking at the cow with her tiny hands. “Baa-baa-baa-baa!” she howled.
Kayla looked across the room at the mirror on the opposite wall and saw them sitting there under the rumpled covers, the whole family on the bed. The sight of themselves made her so happy she felt like she was glowing. Steve felt the same way. He met her gaze in the mirror and felt a pang of melancholy for a moment, missing his baby son, but he also felt an intense sense of contentment. Now that they’d woken up here, right where they left off, he felt at such peace. He was going to get a second chance. He was going to stop himself from being taken, and he wasn’t going to miss a single first. Not this time. And as he’d found himself doing a lot since this strange trip began, he indulged in the strong emotions that he couldn’t keep at bay and felt tears sting his eyes.
“I’m so happy Kayla,” he told her in the mirror. “Look at the gift I was given yesterday. I got to have my family back.” His eye burned with tears it wanted to spill.
“And I got to see this face again,” she smiled, cupping his face. She leaned over and kissed the single fallen tear away, then pulled back to look at this face that her prayers had been answered with.
Stephanie continued baa-baa-baaing between them, and it was only going to get more insistent as the moments came and went. “I think this one’s hungry,” Kayla said rubbing her hand over the baby girl’s head.
Steve gently caught her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss her palm. Then he leaned down and kissed Stephanie on the head. “Ya hear that, Stephanie? Time for breakfast again!,” Steve baby babbled to her. “So, get ready, we’ve got one Dom Perrin-Similac, comin’ up!”
Just as Kayla was pushing back the bedcovers to get out of bed, she felt a strange tug in her gut. She stopped and said, “Steve … I don’t feel good.”
Just then Steve felt the same wave and looked over at his wife. “Sweetness …,” he said with trepidation in his voice. He looked down at Stephanie, and for a split second she was like an image hanging askew. He heard Kayla say something, but her voice was tinny and indistinct. The last thing Kayla remembered was the feel of stuffed cow’s leg she was gripping in her hand.
In the next blink of their eyes, Steve and Kayla were no longer in their bed. They were also no longer in 1990. When their consciousnesses arrived in this new time, there was a physical sensation of landing on their two feet from a small vertical distance, but without the actual descent. Once again, the change in orientation caused an intense queasiness in Kayla, and this time Steve felt it, too.
Kayla vaguely took in her surroundings and noted that she was in a small space and that Steve was standing right in front of her, steadying himself against the wall. Her main focus at the moment, however, was not to throw up. She moaned as her gorge rose, and Steve swallowed hard, knowing if he moved he might vomit.
The moment passed quickly, and Kayla started to become aware of her surroundings. Unlike the last two times, she knew immediately that they’d jumped. She also knew exactly where they were. Steve stood before her in an olive green, sleeveless t-shirt, his long blonde hair brushed back. He was slightly leaner than the Steve she’d just left behind in bed. She softly called out his name waiting for the jump effect to pass him by. When he looked up, his eye found her in a baggy black blazer over a red blouse with her blonde hair pinned up in a clip.
“Steve. Is … is that you?” she asked as she stepped toward him.
It took no time at all for him to recognize this place. “Y–yeah,” he stuttered, reaching out for her, needing to make physical contact as soon as possible. “We’re not in Kansas, anymore.” He pulled her into his arms and turned his head into her to smell her hair. Sense memory is a powerful thing, and the scent of her made him hold on tightly.
Kayla couldn’t bring herself to really smile at the jibe that came second nature to Steve when he was under stress that he could not control. “Yeah, we, ah … we jumped.”
Steve didn’t want to say the words that they were both thinking, but he couldn’t help it. “Stephanie didn’t come with us.” He couldn’t hide the sadness in his voice.
Kayla was tired of leaving her babies behind, but she was also tired of crying over things she could not control. “You were right. Stephanie belonged there.” Kayla’s eyes filled with tears when she said her daughter’s name, anyway. “She wasn’t going to be the one who disappeared; we were.” They stood in the silence of grief for a moment, then said, “Well … at least you’re not dead yet here, either.”
“Nope,” Steve said taking a cleansing breath as they parted. Looks like we’ve got a big buffer now. A few years.”
“You know when we are, don’t you?”
“More or less. I think we’re stuck in the elevator.”
Kayla nodded, and Steve saw her mood continue to darken. “Are our bodies still there, do you think?” she asked.
Steve thought about it for a moment before nodding his head. “I think they are. Don’t you?”
Kayla shrugged sadly. “I don’t know. I’d like to think so. I think that’s all we can do now is hope that we’re there, the us that belongs there. Taking care of her.” That was the last they discussed it. The fact that the bliss they’d been ripped from with the promise it held being too painful to continue thinking about.
Steve seemed to be processing their new location well enough, but for Kayla the sadness of leaving Stephanie back in 1990 lingered into this new place and time three years earlier, and it was coloring her rationality. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be feeling,” Kayla said. “I remember this time with such pain, I don’t want to be here again.”
Steve knew that what he’d done hurt her more than anything he could have done then. Seeing her now with that same look in her eyes as she had then was like a stab to the heart. “I didn’t want to push you away, baby. It was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made in my whole life.”
Kayla looked up at the round indicator lights of the elevator and saw that none of them were lit. “We’re already stuck. It’s not going to take too long for those doors to open. And … I can’t help it. I feel … hurt. She shook her head to try to right herself. She’d gotten over this decades ago. She knew that Steve was trying to save his brother and give her what he thought was a better husband; a man better than he was. She’d gotten past this whole ordeal that culminated in her rape years prior. So, why was she feeling the same emotions now? It wasn’t like this at the loft or in their house. But now, she couldn’t help but feel the hurt all over again.
Steve was thoroughly confused about everything he knew in life to be true right now and wanted nothing more than to crawl into a bed with her somewhere and close his eyes till this whole thing was over. But he saw the pained look on his wife’s face and worried.
“Baby? Steve reached out and tipped her chin to look at him. “Kayla, you’re scaring me. What’s going through that head of yours right now?”
“Right now? I know what happened here, and I’m well-past over it in 2009, Steve. But right now what’s going through my mind is pain from being pushed away,” she said barely above a whisper. “Given away. To a man I didn’t love. By the only man that I ever would in my whole life.”
Steve was speechless. He knew she didn’t feel this way anymore. This must be baggage from leaving Stephanie behind or from not knowing what’s going on.
“Kayla, that’s done. It’s over, we’re done with that garbage now.”
“Only we’re not, because here we are in the middle of it again.”
“No, we’re not, Kayla. These bodies are, but we are not.”
“It’s practically the same thing.”
“No, it’s not!” Steve was getting upset. He had to pull his wife out of this funk that he could only hope to god now was caused by what was left behind. “This is some kind of – what do you call it, transferring or transference? That’s it,” he realized with sudden clarity, “this is transference. You’re upset that we left Stephanie behind, and now we’ve jumped into a bad time in our relationship and you think that’s what’s upsetting you.”
Somewhere inside her, the rational Kayla knew Steve was right and felt a bit of relief about it. But on the surface, the open nerves that were her emotions at the moment couldn’t get past the anger.
“I loved you, Steve. And you gave me away.”
“Now you stop it right now,” Steve raised his voice and grabbed her by the shoulders. “I took you back from him. I got you back, you came back to me, baby. You knew how I felt about you the whole time, why am I having to do this again? It was a mistake. And I paid for that mistake.”
“Yeah, well so did I,” Kayla snapped.
It was like a physical blow. Kayla’s implication that Steve’s actions caused her rape cut him to the core. And the look in his eye was sobering to Kayla in the worst way. It was a look she’d seen in her husband’s eye on a handful of occasions, and it was the most awful kind of look. That she’d put that look on his face was devastating. What have I done to him?
“Steve, I’m sorry! I … I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I am looking for someone to blame for jumping away from 1990. I – I,” she stammered and her eyes started darting around the elevator, “I don’t know why I said that.” Kayla pleaded.
He watched her backpedal with hurt still in his eye and just wanted to start this jump of theirs over again. “Stop, Kayla, just stop,” he said softly
“I don’t know why I’m feeling this way,” she put her hand up in her hair and felt that it was up in a banana clip. “I just … I didn’t understand what was going on when you were pushing me away, and I loved you so much, but you wouldn’t love me back. But I know why, and I forgave you so long ago. It just came out, Steve, I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes pleading.
She rested her palms on his chest, and he gathered them up in his own and pushed her gently against the elevator wall.
“You look at me, Kayla.” Steve’s voice was very calm and very serious. “I’m hurting, too. I’m not going to get my family back that we just had there, either.” His eye was boring into hers. “Again. And now here today in whatever year this is, seeing you in this elevator …” Kayla looked at him, her lips full and starting to quiver. “I’ve paid for pushing you away, Kayla.” I’ve paid for my mistake in the worst way any man could pay. With the blood of his own wife.”
“No—”
“You have no idea how much I wanted you. You have no idea how hard it was for me to watch what I was doing to you. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was give you up. I died a little every day that you weren’t with me. I died more the day you told me Jack raped you.”
At that moment, the doors to the elevator opened. No one entered, and they didn’t move from their position. The doors gently closed again as Kayla swept her hand down Steve’s left cheek. She saw the scar below his eye that had been fixed before he went undercover as Daniel Lucas and wanted to kiss it so much.
“Last time we were in this elevator,” Steve continued, “do you know what I wanted more than anything else?”
“What?”
“I wanted to grab you,” he said running his hand up the small of her back. “I wanted to grab you and kiss you and tell you that you were right. You told me that you’d always love me and that you knew I loved you, too.” He braced his other hand behind her head and held his own head just inches away. “I wanted to tell you that you were right, I did love you, too, and that I didn’t know what to do. But that I loved you more than anything in this world and to please forgive me for the terrible thing I did, leaving you naked and broken in the bed I’d just made love to you in. Because it broke me, too.”
Kayla leaned in and kissed Steve’s left cheek and the feel of her lips on the most guarded part of his body healed whatever cross words she’d said. He pulled her back and roughly whispered to her, “I’m sorry, Kayla.”
“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered back.
Then he crushed his lips to hers and kissed her with all the feeling he’d wanted to the first time they were in this elevator.
“I love you,” she whimpered through their kisses. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, baby. God, Sweetness, I love you.”
They clung on to each other through this kiss with desperation and devotion, their tongues tasting each other with velvet demand. Then with a sudden intrusion, they each felt a tug at their diaphragm that was the last thing they were expecting. Their lips parted, and Steve saw in her eyes that she felt it, too. “Uh oh.”