The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise was possibly the most spectacular place Kayla had ever stayed in her life. That really wasn’t so surprising to her, though, Steve had been a man known to call in every favor, turn over every rock, and pull out every stop to give them something special. Whether it was decorating his crummy, basement apartment with new linens and accessories for a dinner date, planning Kayla’s dream wedding all by himself, or taking them to the Orient on private jet, Steve knew how to touch Kayla’s heart. Yet this resort was still a shocker, because she was there when he made the reservation.
To be clear, it wasn’t just the resort that astonished her; it was also the room.
Or, that is, rooms. This was a suite.
Steve wanted to make sure Kayla was the first one in the door. And she absolutely did not disappoint when he heard the breath catch in her throat at what she was seeing.
The vase of 12 yellow roses sitting dead center of the table at the back of the large sitting room were something Steve had arranged. They lit up the room just as surely as the afternoon sun streaming in through the large windows behind them. The well-appointed furniture was beautiful and would provide plenty of comfort for the next two weeks, but it was the spiral staircase directly to her right that left her truly speechless. Other than the carpeted steps and sturdier construction, it was exactly like the one that led to the first bedroom they ever shared together. In fact, the whole room mirrored the loft, a place that held so many beautiful memories for her that she still thought about it all the time.
True to form, Kayla hadn’t stood on ceremony when they were looking at the hotel’s website, she would have settled for really anywhere she could be alone with her husband. But Steve took a quick swipe through the photos, anyway, and was glad that he did. So he’d already seen what they were in for; but even he was a little overcome when he entered the room and felt their history start to push in on them.
“Steve! Oh my God, this room, it’s … beautiful.”
“Ya like it, Sweetness?”
“What’s not to like? It’s incredible.” He didn’t ask her if it reminded her of anything this time, because he could see it in her eyes. “I can’t believe it.”
They wasted no time ascending the stairs to the bedroom. Doing so was like a surreal time shift. Happiness of a simpler time just descended upon both of them with every step they took, so by the time they got to the top they were both smiling like teenagers.
Kayla immediately plopped onto the bed and giggled when Steve plopped beside her. They embraced for a quick kiss, then turned to face each other on their sides, heads in their hands.
“I’m glad you like the room, baby.”
“It’s just like the loft.
“Yeahp.”
“That’s not an accident, is it?”
“If you’re asking me if I consulted with the architect—”
“Don’t be glib,” she chided with a knowing smile. “I don’t know how you found this needle of a room in the hotel haystack, but you did.” Steve gazed at her for a beat before replying.
“When I saw it I knew we had to have it. We were so happy then. We had so many of our best times there.”
“We’ve had lots of good times. We don’t need the loft to have them again.”
“I’m counting on that,” he replied. Kayla smiled. “Doesn’t hurt, though, does it?”
Kayla gave him a cute little shrug. “I’ve got to admit, it’s pretty great.”
“So I did good.” It was a statement but clearly one looking for her validation.
“You did really good.”
Truly famished, they ordered some room service and ate on the beautiful sitting room patio overlooking not just the mountains, but the lake, as well. It was truly breathtaking, the air somehow both warm with summer while also being crisp with mountain breeze. There were canoes on the lake, and a good number of people hiking the many trails surrounding the resort. All they had to do was step out and pick a destination.
Steve inhaled his sandwich while he watched Kayla breathe in deeply of the pristine air. She looked content in this moment, but he knew it wasn’t quite so. She’d fallen asleep shortly after the plane took off, and while her slumber was peaceful the night before, it was anything but now. He’d watched her with concern as she tossed and turned uncomfortably in her seat before finally curling up against the window. He’d squeezed her hand several times to nudge her from her unrest, but her face remained lined with what he was sure was at least a couple things that dimmer switch hadn’t gotten to yet. Now as she took in the stunning enclave before them, the peace had settled back upon her. For now.
They spent the next several hours shopping in Banff, where Kayla rounded out her wardrobe for their extended stay. Steve picked up a few things, too, because he’d packed like an ISA agent on a mission, not a man on holiday with his wife. They got some gear, too, fully intending on taking advantage of the trails and adventures the lake had to offer.
Finally, the day had just about caught up to them. “Are you tired, Sweetness?” Steve asked as they ate dinner at a bistro in the tiny Hamlet that was walking distance from the resort.
“Kind of? I don’t know, this sunlight at 9pm is really throwing me off.”
Banff, near Calgary, was quite a bit north, so the summer sun rose very early and didn’t set until nearly 10pm this time of year.
“You know if we were in Alaska right now the sun wouldn’t be going down at all,” she added. I hear it really messes up your body clock.”
“Mm-hmm,” Steve replied taking another swig of his beer. “They call that the land of the midnight sun. And it does. I had to force myself to go to bed even though it felt like two o’clock in the afternoon.”
Kayla did a bit of a double take. “When were you in Alaska?”
“While ago.” Kayla scrunched up her nose trying to recall. “After Africa.”
Kayla frowned, the memory of Steve leaving their family, turning her mood slightly. “Right,” she said looking down at her salad. “I forgot.”
“Yeah, hard to keep track, huh?”
Kayla looked up at him pointedly. “Yes.” Steve looked down into his plate. “Well, we’re here now,” she said with a more gentled voice, “and ya know what? I think we should take a walk and finally see the lake.”
“Yeah?” he smiled? “You’re not too tired?”
Kayla shook her head. “Are you?”
“I think I’ve got some steam left.”
Successfully skirting around Steve’s serial issue of turning away from their relationship, they walked hand in hand to the lake’s edge where the sunset reflected off the soft ripples in the water like twinkling lights. Kayla watched Steve toss stones in an effort to make them skip. He was so handsome, this man that had made her so happy on and off for the last 34 years. But Steve looked up just as she thought about how this same man had also devastated her and made her angry and so very unhappy on and off for those same 34 years. She’d made her choice, and she wasn’t sorry. But she didn’t want that thought in her head when she looked at Steve. She wanted to look at him and feel only the good parts; not the bad. The next two weeks loomed in front of her as a despair she couldn’t help fell over her.
“Kayla?” Steve asked guardedly. Suddenly, she very much wanted to get back to the room. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. The day just caught up to me.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Like you’re always lying to me?!” she spat back. Steve flinched. “I’m sorry,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her and looking away.
“No,” he replied with even self-control. “I deserved that.” She glanced at him briefly. “But I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”
“That!” she rose her voice again. “That you did deserve it, that’s what’s wrong.” Before Steve could reply she said, “I’m not doing this here,” then turned on her heel and headed back for the resort.
Steve put his hands on his hips and dropped his head, exhaling deeply. In another time, he would have asked what he did, but he knew this wasn’t some new faux pas he’d just made here on the shore, it was a lifetime of things he did that in this moment, for whatever reason, bubbled up to the surface. Steve rubbed at his chin and let her put some distance between them before he followed.
“Dammit,” he lamented to himself.
Kayla saw that Steve wasn’t right on her heels and was grateful for these few moments to herself to collect her thoughts. She headed for their room, swiped in, and sat herself heavily in the dining room chair, arms crossed as she ruminated on this. She picked one of the yellow roses out of the vase and took a little comfort in feeling its soft petals in her fingers. She could feel her face settle into the troubled mask she wore so often since Steve returned on New Year’s Eve. She was pretty sure some of the lines it caused were even permanent. She wanted to stop making that face.
Kayla went upstairs and put away all their new clothes from the shopping bags and hung up the gold-embroidered, ivory dress from the bottom of Steve’s suitcase. They hadn’t purchased anything fancy, so it was the only thing now hanging in the closet. She went into the bathroom to unpack a boatload of makeup and toiletries, and when she came back out, Steve was sitting in the desk chair, waiting for her with the rose that she’d taken from the vase.
“Hi,” he said softly.
“Hi,” she replied. Then he stood up and went to her. He gently stroked the rose down the side of her face and over her lips before bending to kiss them gently. Then he opened Kayla’s hand and placed the thornless stem inside it and closed her fingers over it.
“Sweetness. I know that we’re not fixed after one conversation. I know making love didn’t make it all better.”
“I want it to be,” she barely whispered.
“I’d give my left arm for it to be. But it’s not. I’m here to work on it.”
“That’s just it, I don’t want us to have to work on it,” she emphasized with air quotes. “We shouldn’t have to work on anything. We shouldn’t have to work hard to love each other.”
“We don’t have to work on loving each other, Kayla.”
“Yes, we do! Because it’s not enough to make you stay!” That hit Steve right in the gut. “You make me happy, Steve. I love you. But history keeps showing me that you’ll be hurting me again.”
“Making decisions for you? I told you I wasn’t going to do that anymore.”
“I believe you. I probably shouldn’t, but it feels different this time, it really does. And I really believe you mean it. But that doesn’t mean you’re not going to run away.”
Steve definitely took issue with that. “I don’t run from you, Kayla! I protect you. There’s a difference!”
“There’s no difference! When the smallest challenge hits, you save me from yourself by running.
“I …,” Steve threw up his arms and paced to the other side of the room. “Ok, yes, I’ve left when I should have talked to you first. I made those decisions without you, and it was wrong. But it’s not running away, Kayla! It’s me being afraid of something hurting you if I stay,” he shouted. “Of me hurting you, if I stay!”
“Well, you have hurt me!” she screamed back. Steve’s eye was flaring. “Over and over you’ve hurt me! And not once because of the times you stayed, but because of all the times you left!”
The truth hurt Steve like hot pokers to his sole, but he promised to work on this, and he wasn’t backing out.
“You were gone for 16 years, Steve! Sixteen years of our marriage – gone.”
“That’s not fair, Kayla!” he rounded angrily on her. “I didn’t choose that! How could you even think that?!”
“No. No, you didn’t. You were taken. But then instead of making up as much time as you could with us, you kept going on missions.”
“Missions?!” he railed back at her. “What’s this plural bullshit, it was one mission, baby, one!”
“I’m pretty sure it was more than just the one, Steve, don’t give me that.”
“I think I remember how many times I got an ISA paycheck, it was one mission. It was a long one, and I had to move around for a long time to protect you and the kids, but it was just one. Why you wanna make it worse than it really is with this revisionist history?!”
Kayla rubbed at the bridge of her nose and tried to separate all the times he’d up and left. He’d gone after Bo, and he’d gone after John. But she’d given him her blessing to go, so she couldn’t very well blame him for that. Then again, they really all added up to the same outcome.
“Ok, fine, one mission. But ya know what? It doesn’t matter. Whether I gave you permission, or it was the ISA, or it was a goddamned Tuesday, when the going gets tough, you turn away from me, make decisions for me, and break my heart every time.” She took a breath while Steve tried to form a reply. “You were taken from us for so long! And then when I got you back, instead of staying, you found reasons to pile on more years away from your family. Away from your kids!”
“Away from you,” his voice broke.
Kayla nodded. “Away from me.” She wasn’t sure when she started crying, but tears were now streaming down her face.
“So when the ISA said you and Joe were targets in Africa, I was supposed to keep drivin’ that ambulance and hope for the best. Is that it? And before that, I was supposed to stay and risk killing you when I had EJ with his fucking Tarot cards in my head and strangle you in my sleep some more?” Kayla stammered. “I was supposed to sit by and let Dimera’s torture chamber condition me right into having you wake up dead? By my hands?”
“Steve—”
“Is that what I was supposed to do, Kayla?”
“You were supposed stay with me. Trust me to help you work through it.”
“Kayla. Do you know what it was like when I came to my senses that night and saw my hands – my own hands – squeezin’ the life right outta you? It was worse than anything that mad scientist crime syndicate ever did to me.”
“I would have been ok,” Kayla insisted, though her confidence had drained slightly.
“How?” Steve asked incredulously. “How can you know that? You can’t. You can’t know that I wouldn’t have gone through with what they wanted and ended up killing you. I wanted to die seein’ how red your neck was. I wanted to die, Kayla.”
“Don’t say that,” she sobbed.
“I was protecting you!
“But that’s exactly my point! You left to save me from something that wasn’t even a sure thing!
She had him there, and he knew it.
“How many other examples do you want? I know you love me,” Kayla said through her tears. “So, why once everything is good – once it’s all really, really good again – do you keep leaving me?”
“Stop saying that! Ok, yes, I left Africa to go on that mission! I made those decisions! Because I thought it was what was best for you! Now I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore, but if you—if something—if Orpheus or –” He faltered all over his words, because he couldn’t bear the thought. Finally he snapped. “Don’t you get it?! Don’t you know by now that I would die for you, Kayla?!”
Every hair on Kayla’s body was standing on end. “I don’t want that for you! And you don’t get to decide! We decide! No matter what! We make the hard decisions together!” The hopeless look on Steve’s face was killing her.
The reality of what this all meant – that he’d have to let himself put Kayla at risk – hit Steve with such paralytic fear that he felt weak. He took a step back and fell heavily into the chair. “Kayla,” he rasped, “… Sweetness … I can’t live without you. I can’t imagine what my life would be if something happened to you. If I lost you. As long as you’re breathing … as long as you’re living … happy, safe, even if it’s not with me … it’s better than living without you on this earth.”
Kayla’s eyes shone with her tears as she swiped them away from her cheeks. “And that’s why you run away.”
Steve nodded. “What am I supposed to do if something happens to you?”
Kayla kneeled down in front of Steve and took his hands in her own. “You go on. Like I did when I lost you.” Her voice was so beautiful. So gentle that he felt it inside him. “You just survive somehow. And you go on.”
Steve was struck by the hard truth in that statement. The fact was that Kayla had gone through exactly what he was trying to avoid for himself. Then, after doing it for 16 years, he turned the screws harder by extending his absence.
“Kayla,” Steve broke down. “Kayla, I’m so selfish. I’m sorry, baby.” Kayla palmed her husband’s face in her hands and rubbed at his tears with her thumbs. “I’m so selfish,” he repeated. “I’m so goddamned selfish!”
Steve laid his head on Kayla’s shoulder as she held him, and they both cried. So much pain. So many years wasted. So much real fear of loss from both of them on so many levels. They held each other like this for a long time, letting their tears drain some pain from their souls.
Steve lifted his head gently and palmed the hair off of Kayla’s forehead and kissed it. Kayla smiled sadly and dried her face on his black tee shirt.
“Sorry,” she chuckled with a sniffle. “We’re limited on clothing, I probably shouldn’t do that.” She stood up to get a Kleenex, but Steve followed and took her gently by the shoulder.
“Come here,” he said, pulling her in to hold her tightly. “That’s what I’m here for.”
Kayla melted into him. It sent such a beautiful thrill of happiness through him to feel her smile as she obliged him with another wipe of her watery eyes against his shoulder.
It had been such a long day. They were both exhausted and emotionally drained. Steve wanted to feel the safety of their lovemaking, but it was all they could do to just get ready to collapse into bed.
Steve opened the sliding door to the gorgeous stone terrace that was off their bedroom, the warm summer breeze feeling wonderful as they got into bed. Steve was wearing black boxer briefs, Kayla took off the white bathrobe and slipped in beside him in her new jammie shorts and top. They lay there silently facing each other for several moments before Steve spoke.
“Sweetness?”
“Yeah?”
“I never left you. I did run away. I see that now. But, baby … not once, not one time … have I ever left you. You were in here,” he placed her palm on his chest above his tattoo, “from the moment I laid eyes on you. I am bonded,” he whispered, “to only you. Even when we were apart, and even when I didn’t know who I was, you were in there. My heart doesn’t know how to love anyone other than you. And it never will.”
“Oh Steve,” she barely whispered.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made so many of these decisions about us without you.”
Kayla nodded as she caressed his chest. “You were scared.”
“I was. I’m gonna do better. I promise. But it’s not the same as leaving.”
Kayla understood what he was saying. And Steve understood how his actions made her feel. A hurdle had been overcome, and they felt better knowing it.
Kayla rolled over and spooned herself into the crook of Steve’s body. It felt so good to be held by him. Steve kissed her temple, and they fell asleep immediately.
Steve didn’t know why he’d awakened in the middle of the night, but the familiar feel of Kayla asleep in his arms made him smile. The room was dark, and neither of them had moved in the four hours they’d been asleep. Steve inhaled the clean scent of his wife and kissed the back of her neck. She didn’t rouse but she did give him a sleepy sigh that made Steve want to kiss her some more. He stroked her hair softly and absently rubbed up against her bottom. Before he knew it, he was stroking more than just her hair, reaching under her shirt to caress her belly.
Kayla slowly opened her eyes. She felt Steve’s hand on her skin and his breath whispering her name in her ear. His touch made her naturally want more of it, even while still groggy. She let out a sleepy moan, and Steve knew her so well that even in the dark, he knew that she was awake now.
“I love you, Sweetness,” said softly as he gave her another gentle thrust. “Is this ok, baby?” he asked. “It’s ok if not, just tell me, and I’ll stop.”
Kayla didn’t reply. Instead she pulled his hand from her belly to rest upon her breast and pushed her bottom into his next thrust. She squeezed her fingers around Steve’s holding her breast in his hand, encouraging him to fondle her. When he did she reached behind her and palmed the back of her husband’s head to kiss her neck some more. He gratified her with the wet kisses he knew she loved.
“I love you, Steve,” she finally said.
Steve brought his thumb to his lips and licked it, then rubbed it over Kayla’s nipple. She inhaled sharply and thrust herself backward into Steve’s rock hard erection. Kayla wanted to feel it in her hands, knowing that his hardness was a direct result of how much he loved her. She turned in his arms and met his lips with hers. Their kisses were sweet and hot while her hands explored. Steve searched out her tongue as she pumped her fist slowly over his cock. He moaned into their kisses with how good it felt to be with her.
Steve wanted to come, but not like this. Not this time. He broke from their kiss and turned her back to spoon with him again. Then he gave her breast another squeeze. “I love holding you like this, Sweetness.”
He caressed his palm around from her breasts to the small of her back to slip it down into her pajama shorts, never breaking contact with her skin. He eased them down, and she took one leg out of them while Steve freed his penis from his underwear. She lifted her leg just slightly making room for him to enter her from behind.
Kayla made a soft sound as he filled her. “You feel so good. God I love you so much.”
Steve reached around her with both hands palming her breasts tightly under her top, then he began to pump his hips. Kayla felt positively treasured being made love to like this. He surrounded her in his body as she surrounded him inside of hers, and they felt completely connected.
Their lovemaking wasn’t about sexual fulfillment right now, it was about emotional bonding. Loving each other after a fight. Devotion. But the feel of Kayla’s warm sheath was always ecstasy, and Steve was quickly coming undone. He knew Kayla wouldn’t get there in time, so he started to slow down.
“No!” Kayla drove harder into him. “Don’t stop.”
“I’m not coming without you. Not tonight.”
“Then make me come.”
Her words alone made Steve speed up his thrusts again. He reached his hand down to where Kayla was joined with him and fingered her clitoris while he thrust. Kayla started to moan immediately, and he could feel the wetness her body released with his touch.
“Yes! Oh … Steve!”
Steve ground his fingers into her a little more firmly, but her reactions were too much for him. He tried to hold back but couldn’t help but chase after it when the tingling started his release.
“Kayla!” he cried out, “Baby!”
He rubbed her clit hard in a final attempt to make her come and was so pleased when she whimpered his name in orgasm while his semen pulsed into her.
They didn’t move from each other’s arms as they caught their breath. Steve still had his arms wrapped around her, and Kayla was holding onto them.
“I love you,” she sighed.
“I love you, too, baby.”
“I love you so much.”
“I feel so close to you, Sweetness. You’re my whole world.”
They fell back asleep as they’d awakened. More emotionally connected than they’d been in years.
They’d made such a big breakthrough. Neither of them had yet realized, however, that really it was only the tip of the iceberg. Until then, they had a lake full of beauty and wonder to explore.